How to (NOT) Argue Things with a Difficult Partner

 Have you heard that 10 % of conflicts is due to difference in opinion and 90% is due to wrong tone of voice? 

Image Credit: care2.com

Conflicts are sometimes inevitable but there are effective ways to resolve it. You and your partner have the full responsibility to work things out among yourselves. Otherwise you tolerate that your relationship is bound to fall apart, and you are ready to accept it if it does.

But how about if you are doing your part but your partner keeps breaking the rules?

Break out?

No.

Look for another person to fall for instead?

Not, either. 

Choose not to argue. There are times when you will be pushed to your limits and be drawn to it, but instead of responding to the rode rage war, avoid the invitation to fight back with bitter words. 

For a misinterpreting partner

If you are lucky enough to have a misinterpreting partner, the one who misunderstands a perfectly legitimate and polite word or action, do not argue but state calmly and reasonably: "I'm sorry it sounded like that. What I meant is that...", or "I'm sorry that it made you feel that way...". Do not forget to recognize his feelings and humbly apologize for it whether it's really your fault or not. But be sure to state what you actually meant with your words and actions by avoiding phrases that will trigger his defense.

For a partner with a sharp tongue

If your partner is specially blessed with sarcasm, be direct and tell him openly: "I feel hurt when you say words like... I know I do things that hurt you also but I hope you are open that we try to avoid such things already", or "It hurts when you do things like...We could find some time if there's anything you'd like us to talk about".

For a faultfinder 

If he likes keeping records of your wrongs, do not defend yourself. Instead take note on your "sins". When he has said all of it, say something like, "I noticed you mentioned this thing about me. If I'm really at fault here, I apologize. I'm willing to talk it over with you and I hope you are, too". Remember to allow yourselves to cool down first.

For an exaggerating partner

When he makes ridiculous exaggeration about the things you say or do like "You never care for me", or "You always do..." do not attempt to correct it. Instead recognize that there is probably a reason why your partner felt that way and you are not there to invalidate it but resolve it by saying things like, "I know it upsets you when you said that I do this often. I'll try not to let it happen again by...". Again, recognize how it made him feel and show sincere willingness to address it and be specific about your solutions so that he'll know that you are actually taking concrete steps to solve it. 

And if he insists on these kinds of attitude, tell him. But avoid putting pressure as to when he should improve. Some issues are hard to come by for some people, and your partner might just need to take a little more time to do it. 

Remember too that sometimes, there are really some people who always seem angry and continuously look for faults in others. Do not go with it. The battle they are fighting is not with you, it is with themselves. You can choose to stay reasonable. You can assert your own thoughts and feelings without arguing. By maintaining tactful words and manner, you are saving tons in your relationship. 

I hope you have learned something from this post. If you have similar issues which you think is fair for you to share with me, click anywhere in this paragraph to drop me a message, and comment below saying that you have emailed me with the subject Relationship Blues. I'd be willing to lend an ear for your heartaches. Or we can help each other. 

God bless your heart!

Image Credits:

www.care2.com

8 Simple Ways to Solving Relationship Problems

Conflicts and misunderstanding in any relationship is inevitable. Because no two person are created exactly the same. We have different views as well as different ways of doing things. And these differences can apparently cause disagreements. 

We are taught since childhood that conflict is no good a thing. That it destroys relationships. That's why most of us are threatened when it arises, and our way of coping varies, too-- either we avoid it, or divert our attention to other things. But we know that it still exists. The problem is when it is rather kept and ignored, and it bottles up into a more serious problem later on. In other cases, we want to immediately patch things up because it's becoming a total distress.

Whichever the situation may be, the rules to solving these conflicts and problems constructively is by:

1. Know the ways to communicate effectively with your partner

You'll need it to let out what you and your partner have to tell each other without stirring  the wrong buttons.

2. Choose the best place, too

Aside from choosing the best time to talk, look for a place where you will have the privacy and comfort to talk. Put the conversation off at a later time until both of you have yourselves composed.

3. Be direct and focus on the problem

Understand the main cause of the problem and state your feelings clearly and straight to the point. Stick with it and avoid bringing up previous records of wrong. 

4. Respect

Show respect no matter how eager you are to cut in his talking. No violent threats and insinuation, no name- calling, no fault- finding, no throwing of disrespectful words on family members, no bashing on physical appearance and mental capacity, and no yelling. You can hardly take back a hurtful word. So listen and speak with respect.

5. Share ideas and be clear about it

Brainstorm every possible solutions you both can come up with and be open to different points of view before reacting. Accommodate each other's ideas and be transparent and firm about it. Conflict cannot survive without your participation, says Wayne Dyer. It's important that you agree on how you're going to solve things. It's like meeting halfway.

6. Decide on the best solution

Best here means the most acceptable, appropriate, and beneficial for the two of you. Winning should not be the goal. You should compliment each other, not compete. Just so we are clear with that. One, if not both of you, should compromise reasonably and give in to the other. Remember that it takes two to tango. 

You have to work together to solve your problems, that's why you are called partners. Giving in to the other amidst conflict takes real maturity. It means that your analysis of the situation intends to solve for the benefit of all rather than yourself alone. 

7. Reassess your solutions

Are they really for the benefit of each other? Will it not cause harm and hurt to the other person? Do you  both sincerely agree with it? What are its effects? How will it work to your advantage? And how can you prepare for its disadvantages? 

8. Implement it

Work up what solutions you have decided to apply. Decide who will do what, when, and where. 

The italicized words are your keywords to remember these tips. Just remember to: know, choose, focus, respect, share, decide, reassess, and implement. 

In the end, it already wouldn't matter who is right or wrong. For so long as you are both genuine and willing to work your relationship out and consider why you have loved each other in the first place, you're on the right track. Above all else, do not forget that there is a higher being you can both turn to-- God. 

God bless your heart!

Photo Credits:

blogs (dot) curbkicked (dot) com

7 Ways to Listen Effectively to Your Partner

Agree or not, research says bad listening habits are one of the root causes of relationship problems. When our partner wants to talk about something important, faulty listening can reap negative understanding. Yet, most of us still want to talk more than listen. We have the tendencies to let off our thoughts and meaning than pay full attention to someone who is speaking his. 

Our auto- programmed desire to be heard manifests in few of our actions when we listen: appearing bored, selecting which to listen to and which to reject, being defensive, or interrupting. Are some of these actions familiar to you?

One useful key to remedy these habits is by listening to our partner with feeling. Let me say that again, listening with feeling. Usually the process in communication is we first analyze the information, recall it, and draw conclusions from it. But listening with feeling allows us to hear the feelings of the one speaking first before we analyze the information. 

Our nature is to process information according to our own understanding, and convey what we think about it back to the speaker. But that is not always the case in courtship and marriage. Or in any other kinds of relationship.  We have to listen attentively not only to what has been said, but to what is meant in what was said. That's the way we can understand our partner and perhaps an issue. By doing so:

1. Maintain good eye contact

Tuck away-- your whatchamacallit-- your cellphones and tablets. Good eye contact can help focus your attention. 

2. Sit attentively

Lean forward in your chair. Or block all other distractions as if it's listening to what your partner will say is the only thing that matters in the world at the moment.

3. Act interested in what is said

Nod or express an understanding by one, restating what was said, or two;

4. Say appropriate phrases that affirms you are listening attentively

Phrases like, "I understand" or "I hear you say...". 

5. Ask appropriate questions

It's also one way to show you are interested and you can use it to clarify some things you don't quite understand. 

6.  Pay attention to other details

Listen to what your partner is NOT saying, too. Nonverbal cues.

7. Listen a little longer

Nancy Van Pelt said, "Just when you think you are through listening, listen thirty seconds longer".

Understanding what is meant in what was said is only doing communication half the job. You also have to focus in resolving the real problem. 

And how do you resolve a conflict or an issue? Tune in on my next post on RELATIONSHIPS.

God bless your heart!

Photo Credits:

wheartit (dot) com

6 R's of Speaking Effectively with Your Partner

It's always said, "Treat your family like friends, and your friends like family". We have that conscious effort to speak politely to our friends and oftentimes we let pass this communication skill when it already comes to our family-- our partner. Because as we say it, "it's only family".

Years of affectionate closeness with our partner make us find ourselves feeling like a sloppy closet: dull and customary. Over the time, this familiarity breeds contempt and disregard. Suddenly we want something else for ourselves like we want what we have in mind to be  heard by talking, always! 

For our feelings to be recognized, we unerringly believe that we must continuously communicate with our partner. But there are rules to how we can do it effectively.

1. Right timing

Initiate a conversation at the time your partner can respond pleasantly. There's no well- taken conversation with a bad timing.

2. Right tone of voice

It's not what you say but how you say it that matters, mostly. If you really intend to clear things out, make sure you are easy to listen to. Compose yourself and calm your voice before you even attempt to talk. They say, a 10- second rule is  effective. That is, you have to be silent for ten seconds before you say anything back to the one you are arguing with. Remember, "A gentle answer quiets anger, but a harsh one stirs it up" ~ Proverbs 15: 1.

3. Right point

Think as you speak. And be clear and direct with what you mean. 

4. Right mood

Be less negative and more positive and appreciative. Pick words that are more inclined to getting at solving the problems.

5. Right attitude

Your partner may not always agree with you. But be willing to listen and care for his comfort as you do about your own. Learn to be sensitive to his feelings, too. 

6. Right bent

Be sincerely willing to solve any issue and take things forward to a better one. The more you are inclined to talk to your partner, the more that you take your connection to a higher level. "Conversation is an art, and opportunities to develop it should be encouraged." ~ Nancy Van Pelt.

Show off the right ingenuity towards bettering your relationship. On a second thought you might ask, "How do I really listen to my partner effectively?". Well, tune in on my next post on RELATIONSHIPS.

God bless your heart!

Photo Credits:

believeinsomethingbetter (dot) tumblr (dot) com

4 Important Ways to Appreciate Your Mate

Appreciation is a basic need in any relationship. Any person who says he doesn't need to be appreciated is probably someone who needs it more.

We are greatly influenced by our interaction with different people everyday-- our personal beliefs, ideals, values, desires, and preferences. We are accustomed to what we think is right for us based on these influences. But when we become so engrossed with appropriateness, we tend to easily identify flaws and weaknesses in our mate. We forget to express appreciation, and sometimes magnify minor mistakes instead. 

Not only is appreciation an occasional need, but an everyday need. Men thrive for admiration. And so do women.

If you want your mate to keep loving you-- you need to do one important thing-- appreciate him/ her. Doing this will take you far in your relationship. Or even save a dying one.

Here's how to do it:

1. Be vocal about it

Verbal expression of appreciation, rather than nagging, is as important as the actions. Your mate needs to hear you say it, too.

2. Point out specific qualities

Study your mate-- his/ her likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, even his/ her moods and idiosyncrasies. Observe everyday for unrecognized attitudes and abilities that need deliberate appreciation. 

Some believe doing best at work is important. Others believe it's making for a peaceful home. Either ways, if your mate feels this way, try to appreciate his/ her job. For example, if he reached a quota at work, or aced an important exam or project, inserted an IV cath perfectly, or decorated a tidy and cozy living space. These things, no mater how little, need to be appreciated. It develops self- worth (which all person is working hard for) and in effect, a better relationship. 

3. Don't Flatter

Your mate needs to hear you say it, too-- from the heart. Flattery is an insincere and selfish kind of appreciation. 

Pay attention to your mate to get to know him/ her. That way, you don't have to make up things for the intention to prove that you, indeed, are appreciative. In fact, we humans have the ability to smell false praise. If it happens, it reaps us a rather opposite result. 

4. Appreciate Daily

Never let a day pass without telling him how much he is appreciated. Practicing it is one of the most effective ways to having a smooth relationship. 

As you become more accepting, you'll understand why your mate thinks differently from yours. As you become more understanding, your mate will reveal more to you.

Listen to your mate, ask questions he/ she will enjoy answering. And try to participate in activities he enjoys at least once in a while. You don't lose anything by going the extra mile to get curious on what he's interested on. It's one way to show your appreciation. 

Appreciation is a powerful tool to change negative behavior in your mate. It applies positive reinforcement in dealing with a hard- to- change partner. Instead of getting mad if he does something you don't like, appreciate him when he does something you approve. This positive approach to relationships is much more effective than making things an issue. 

I pray you all an appreciative relationship. God bless your heart!

Photo Credits:

weheartit (dot) com

Decoding a Hard-to-change Partner

You've heard it, many times. Nagging doesn't work. But how can we help it? He has done so many mistakes and there's no way we can let it pass anymore, or else we have accepted our defeat to be treated unwell every time, right? And what can be the most direct way to address it than to tell him in the face why he's making us feel bad?

That Nagging Stuff

Conveying our anger verbally or non- verbally is one clear proof that we do not accept the way we are treated or told. And nagging is the most common form of that nonacceptance.

Even if the reason behind the nagging is good, it will still definitely create a negative effect more than positive. Either our partner will give that silent treatment, become more withdrawn, or become openly hostile and angry. Because nagging triggers defense. There's no way to kill love than to express full disapproval, especially through nagging.

It will make it difficult for a man to appreciate his wife/ girlfriend. In effect, a woman will also have difficulty expressing and receiving the kind of love she wants.

But if You Really Must Do It

Don't let nagging kill love, but let your love for each other kill the nagging instead. If you really must point out the mistake of your partner:

Tone your voice and manner.

We know that sometimes it is not what we say but how we say it that hurts a person. Since childhood, we already resist being constantly dictated of what to do and what not. The same thing goes for grown ups. 

A man will reveal more to a woman he can trust. To enable that, you have to speak as an equal. Talk to each other as equal partners. Take time to ease the emotion or wait until the incident has passed and avoid a direct attack. When the argument is still fresh, we are  too close to the situation that we cannot view it with clarity. Remember just how much you can save by simply putting an extra humility by toning your voice and watching your manner to allow wisdom and perspective to come into the picture.

Commit to listen.

It is one of the most important keys in every communication. Most of us are "interrupters", we have this obstinate tendencies to chime in at any given time, always wanting to be heard. But a conversation can happen without communication. We can keep on speaking without understanding what the other person is saying because we never really tried to listen. The result is always two people who are never justified with how things are going. The problem only gets magnified rather than solved.

Tame your tongue.

It is definitely not plasticity. It simply shows that you understand your relationship enough to let it matter more than any other presumption your problem has created. It's an indication of your willingness to reach out and patch things up with your partner.

The words "I", "always", and "never" are infinitives that will assure you of unresolved problems and a dying marriage. Remember that you have to cater not only to your own needs but the needs of your partner. And the "I" word is a complete impediment to that. A running account of faults destroys marriage more quickly. While it is important that you become honest with your partner about the real score, there is still the right way to do it without bringing out words than can stir defense.

Acceptance is the key

Nothing is more liberating, aside from love, than to know that you are accepted by the persons that matter to you most. We understand that truly loving our partner means that we have accepted him/ her black and white. But as years go by, we discover attitudes which we think are not helpful or need some improving to do, for us and for our partner's good. But change must be total and deliberate for it to be successful. And it cannot happen if we attempt to change the other person but ourselves. There are threefold axiom that may help shape our attitudes of acceptance:

1. We can change no one by direct action.
2. We can change only ourselves.
3. When we change ourselves, others tend to change in response to us.

Any kind of relationship is a system. It is said that change in one part of the system is always followed by compensatory change in other parts. If a husband or boyfriend is disinterested, maybe something in his wife or girlfriend pushes him to be. If a wife or girlfriend feels inadequate and jealous, perhaps her husband or boyfriend gives her enough reasons to be. 

While acceptance can be demonstrated by action, it is also important that we express it in words. For example, "I know that you are a good person and I like you the way you are." or "I like the way you do things". It may sound insincere at first, because it will take time for you to reach the point of complete acceptance. 

No two person who have fallen in love with each other have fully known and accepted their difference all at once when they started. Otherwise the choice  to journey life together would've been pointless. Acceptance is an everyday virtue. And the more you express acceptance, the more it will help you grow and reach complete acceptance.

But do you have to accept everything? No. This doesn't mean that you should deny the fact that you are separate individual, or that you have to tolerate even when the mistake of your partner already causes harm on you both. You don't have to be a doormat. It only means that you respect the person as he is, but would still choose to find a better way to work things out for everyone's behalf. Because acceptance is a human need that needs  to be filled. And no relationship can survive without it. The question is if it's worth it to nag your partner to change, or help each other resolve problems and work towards a better union.

I sincerely pray this post has helped you gain perspective on changing and accepting your partner, whether you are married or not yet. God bless you heart!

Reference:

The Compleat Marriage by Nancy Van Pelt

Photo Credits:

aegchu (dot) tumblr (dot) com

littlethings25 (dot) tumblr (dot) com

Why Love is a Choice and Many are still Broken

If love is a choice, why are there still marriages broken in the end?

Does love has boundaries? Is there a limit for choosing to love someone?

Love as a Choice

No person who has ever loved doesn't have any idea, or haven't heard of the saying, "Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus". We say that men's way of loving is different. But it is not as though they only manifest their affection when they are gratified sexually. In fact they are affectionate by nature. But their approach to love differs from that of women's. 

Men often project love in a more practical way. For example, a husband shows his love by fixing the furnace or by waking up at 5 in the morning, to head out to work, and be back home at 6pm or later. He endures this everyday, and sometimes would only ask for a proper meal or a simple hug from his wife. An action like that may sound as simple as a husband who is only doing his responsibilities. But there must be a far deeper reason why he  pushes it everyday in his life. And it is by choice that he does it religiously as his way to provide and demonstrate his love for his family.

A wife on the other hand shows her love by doing household chores, homeschooling her kids, and working at the same time finding an opportunity at the end of the day to touch her husband and whisper the words "I love you". It is also by choice that she willingly does it everyday to demonstrate her care and love for her family. 

The ways from which love was portrayed are different but it didn't mean that the depth of one's love is greater than the other . The essential element that enables them to continually show their love for each other, in their respective ways, is not simply brought about by counting on any changing things but choice. Otherwise it becomes a dragging responsibility which they do while desire is still present.

What kind of Choice is the Choice for Loving Someone

Choice in love does not mean "obligatory choice" in which a man and a woman chooses each other only because they don't have other options, or because they believe in the idea that true love is a choice.

It largely depends on the force that drives the person of that very choice. Do you love a person because you choose him? Or you choose him because you love him? Those are almost the same things that mean sincerely different. 

The integral part about choice for loving someone is still found in the inner core of your being and not merely by the cultivation of it. It's  in the things that made you fall in love with that person, and how you developed that feeling that eventually made you  ready enough to share the love that abounds from yourself.You choose to love a person because you are ready to offer a selfless kind of love to him/ her. Only and only then can you say that your choice is genuine. 

It does not even matter how long you have lived together. It's the driving force that made you choose to live with that person from the very start.

But Why are We still Broken?

You might have to reflect on what motivated or driven you to love that person. Is it because you admire him, flaws and all, and it is to him that you'd like to offer your affection for? Is it because there's no other way out, but if you only could? Or is it because it's what books and experts tell you? 

Love encompasses all things which logic does not. Similarities, appreciation, difference, sacrifice, endurance, faithfulness, trust, and mutual understanding are simply parts of what it is. But the driving force for choosing to love someone should be based upon the totality of it and not on what it is composed of. 

Truly loving someone, at its deepest meaning, is a forever commitment. It means that you have to continually make the same choice everyday the way Jesus has put endless love for the Church. However, that choice should be mutual. Because if all else fails, there are only two persons you can directly ask-- yourselves. 

Love is an everyday choice.

One of the most prominent reasons why marriages fail is this - husband and wife presume that because they have obtained a license to marry, their success is guaranteed. If through presumption you forget the courtesies by which you won each other, you are likely to wreck your marriage.

I hope you have learned something from this post. God bless your heart!







Reference:
The Compleat Marriage by Nancy Van Pelt

Photo Credits:
weheartit (dot) com

How Porn Affects the Male Brain

Pornography is KING. To men and women of different ages, it is.

It is evident in television advertisements, websites, and even in John Mayer's interview with Playboy Magazine in 2010. 

Pornography? It’s a new synaptic pathway. You wake up in the morning, open a thumbnail page, and it leads to a Pandora’s Box of visuals. There have probably been days when I saw 300 [women] before I got out of bed….Internet pornography has absolutely changed my generation’s expectations.…You’re looking for the one photo out of 100 you swear is going to be the one you finish to, and you still don’t finish. Twenty seconds ago you thought that photo was the hottest thing you ever saw, but you throw it back…How does that not affect the psychology of having a relationship with somebody? It’s got to.¹

At age 3 you can already see a pre-schooler adeptly maneuver a psp or a tab. At 8 he starts using social media to express his thoughts and build his own circle of game buddies. At 12 he knows FHM and Playboy very well. At 17 he's junked-up with the woman he saw on one of the porn sites. It's computer addiction at first, then an ensuing porn addiction.

When I first ran into this article in Teach With Joy by Joy T. Mendoza, I agreed when she mentioned that people become so enslaved to pornography without considering how it can equally damage the essence of creating an intimate relationship between husband and wife. 

Pornography must surely have an extremely elating influence on every person that sees it. Because it's desolating but true to know that when you speak of intimacy  today, it's almost always associated with pornography or in its tangible form-- sex. 

Dr. William Struthers was right. We are all living in a "pornified" society. When you talk to most couples, you would hardly hear one who'll not admit that they have engaged in pre- marital sexual relationship somehow or another. 

It's not like I try to lip serve you with a bickering list of religious dogmas, what-should-bes, and an entire read of bible scriptures from the book of Genesis to Revelations. I'm pretty conscious with how the words of God have started to become like a painful tumor in the ass to most people today.

Porn habitues continue to get so consumed with the pleasurable visuals of sex without having any idea how it affects their brain in the same way that their look is largely affected by what they eat. 

The brain is a powerful organ. But Dr. Struthers explained that it doesn't have the ability to excrete unacceptable data as much as digestive system can expel waste food materials. It only keeps on feeding itself what it perceives is important to keep, and store the not so important details to a distant memory. 

Pornography is unfortunately one of those data. It has an exciting effect. As sexual beings we have the tendencies to constantly get in touch with whatever pleasurable thing we experience.

It's like buying an ice cream in a scoop. You don't really get to remember how the ice cream vendor scooped it into the cone, or what the color of the cone was. You would only remember its taste. 

The brain also has the ability to mimic what it sees. That ability is a blessing and a curse. The curse is when it registers and imitates things that will eventually have a destructive effect. 

If this is how intimacy and sexuality is viewed and practiced today, I wonder how it will be viewed and practiced in the future.

From the Fifty Shades Trilogy to the Perks of Being a Wallflower. Its extremely elating influence leverages movies and makes books the bestselling they can be. Sex sells, a LOT.

When I first read Fifty Shades, I had an instantaneous observation of its deliberate use of the word "sex" while most other books would only describe it indeterminately as "making love".

The Perks on the other hand  tackled molestation like it's a normal thing to do. I don't think these happenings are only brought by a minute of exposure to an erratic visual. It takes constant exposure and an entire society.

These are of course my personal opinions. I do not attempt to confound the persons behind all these books, movies, websites, and advertisements. But I find the crippling effects of pornography deserving of my articulate skepticism.

Sexual intimacy is not alone an event brought by surging hormones. It's also a spiritual event.

There is no such thing as “just looking” at porn. There can be no doubt that it affects us neurologically in long-lasting ways. ~ William Struthers, Ph.D. , The Effects of Porn on the Male Brain

I sincerely pray that God will enlighten everyone with the sanctity of marriage and sexuality. Let spiritual ridicule and sexual misuse be surrendered unto HIM.



What's your view?

References:

teachwithjoy (dot) com

equip (dot) org

Photo Credits:
weheartit (dot) com

Understanding Your Mate (Through His/Her Brain)

The idea of understanding your mate sometimes doesn't sound understandable. Most books explain the why's and how to's that are honestly difficult to apply in life. Deadlocks?

Check out this hilarious clip from Mark Gungor to know how to figure out why a man's brain is made up of boxes and a woman's brain is made up of wires.

Part 1

Part 2

Photo/ Video Credits:
meltedsoup (dot) com
youtube (dot) com

When a Man Treats Good a Woman

Image taken from weheartit.com

I want to talk to the men this time. When you deal with the woman of your life, how do you make her feel?

When that woman walks up to you and sob without trying to speak a single word, how do you usually respond?

When your relationship has taken you both into years of familiar togetherness, how do you cater to her wants and needs?

When a woman communicates a problem to someone, she is generally looking for empathy. When a man communicates a problem to someone, he is generally looking for an answer, said John Gray in his book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”.

For a relationship to never lose its spice and let the affluence continue, it is said that both the man and woman need to extend an extra effort to do new adventures and new things to look forward to. True! 

But sometimes, when over familiarity breeds contempt and being together starts to become a bore, either the guy or the girl begins to take things for granted. Sadly, it happens unconsciously most of the time.  When it does, and no one in the relationship initiates to come to the rescue, both start to feel unappreciated hence unhappy.

3 Things Men Look for in a Woman

             

If you’re the kind of person who  wants to settle down in the future with the right man, you would surely want to know what it is that makes a man feel more than just the coincidental attraction for you.

Image taken from weheartit.com

Women though are wired to be more vocal and expressive than men. They can easily acknowledge their emotions and bring it up whenever they find it suitable. Well I know there’s really nothing new with what I said.

But one thing I’m pretty bit confident about is that, each of us (man and woman) have our own specs of identification as to what would attract us to a person; which by attraction doesn’t only mean the temporary gratification of it or some sort of emotional aberration. 

Still supposing, us women often overlook characters that would help us become more desirable to men.

And why you think do I speak for men when I am completely the same woman as you who makes for an interested damsel on lessons about love (and our counterpart)?

7 Things to Remember on How to Love a Person of the Opposite Sex

Relationship rules and anything in between have dominated people searching for relevant ways on how  to keep a good relationship going.  But most of the time, these rules have become so trivial that some suffer defeat of what it is really that they should keep in mind the moment they enter into a relationship.

            This entry has been inspired by my again favorite blogger Sean Si. Rewording his beliefs about relationships and giving them additional insights would I hope encourage other readers to keep their eyes open about the gift God gives us humans---love. Read Sean Si at h3sean.com. Also follow him on twitter.

You might have had what most of us call “mutual understanding” with someone, a fair relationship for a year or two, an emotion-full of ups and downs with somebody very special say for 5 years. But after a while, you found yourself asserting the lines, “At least I have the time now to love myself more”.

Image taken from weheartit.com

It is never really bad to love ourselves. But that doesn’t discount the fact that it’s painful when our feelings never work out for someone no matter how serious we are about it. And that it’s frightening when our relationships play Judas and leave us heartbroken in the end.

Why do all these things happen may be too broad an issue to talk about. But here are few things you should know when you are in a relationship or praying to find it one day with the opposite sex:

3 Wrong Concepts of Love (and 8 more)

Image taken from everyday-teen.blogspot.com

Look for the word love on google and what you see are phrases, definitions, and personal thoughts that pop up many and discrete in screeds. 

Love is friendship set on fire. Love moves in mysterious ways. Love is care. Love is trust-- definitions too accustomed and never-ending.

This post has been inspired by an entry written by Sean Si. Praise God for His insights through Him. Read full of Sean Si's article, 11 Wrong Concepts of Love, God and You. Follow Sean on Twitter.

From personal experiences to what others have lived through, we might already have worked out for our own designation of it, set bounds to.

But for all of you who are confused, probably haven’t come up with your own idea of it, or had yet unsure, here are some concepts that may help you either learn what it is, what it is not, and what it is supposed to be.

 Some points to ponder:

How to be Mr. Right and Ms. Right

Image taken from weheartit.com

Mr. Right, Ms. Right, searches recurrently made by people woman and man alike. There’s no wonder why people put up with the risk of either luckily finding the right person or unfortunately losing the chance each time. Because one of the most important decisions we will ever make is the decision of who we will spend the rest of our life with.

What makes it significant is that it tells at least for contemplation of how our life will be soon as we reach the age when life starts to get shorter. The direction of our life will be influenced highly by that very choice. Through time couples become similar in many ways as they get to learn and share the same way of thinking and behaving.

But one of the most apparent reasons why we guys fail in the search over and over is because we only take so much a time looking for Mr. Right and Ms. Right instead of becoming Mr. Right or Ms. Right ourselves.

Listen to this audio by Mr. and Mrs. Dennis and Thammie Sy at the Victory Ubelt on their talk about love, and of becoming the right person worth finding at the right time:

How I met Landon Carter

Anyone among you guys know Landon Carter? In case you have forgotten, he played-actor of a fictional character springing forth “true love” down the little port town of Beaufort, North Carolina. He is the Landon Carter of Nicholas Spark’s bestselling novel turned top 
rated movie, A Walk to Remember.

Image taken from weheartit.com

He was someone who would fall unlikely to serious conservative women playing less cool as anyone could get. He had no ambitions and no plans for the future. Who you think would also likely fall for his kind of man? Jamie Sullivan did in a story which anyone would most probably hope for. You might get yourself the book and the movie to find out the reason why.

The rules tell us (true love hopefuls) the stipulations and schemes in finding the right man (or woman), the goal of which is real love. But finding the right person, to be more specific in this post, the right man does not necessarily demand false praises and infatuation-based decisions as type of predation.

Inasmuch as men particularly look for women with balanced character and a considerate amount of mental & physical attractiveness, “wise” women as well strongly ask for a man with certain qualities. And speaking of qualities, we talk of matrimony as a common denominator in every pursuit of a relationship.

In a book compiled by J. Maurus, it said that when you look forward to a bright future in matrimony, model yourself after the pattern of this wise girl and you will be the gainer.

She looks for the man:

Who does not become crazy over her at first sight.

Becoming crazy at first sight would flag a man’s inability to contain and be responsible for his own emotions and as a resort give in too easily to the emotional traps and impulses of physical attraction. This physical attraction will more likely not be limited to one woman only.

Who does not ask her to “go along”.

Asking a woman to “go along” with his own standards would mean that he does not give equal importance to what matters to the woman.

 Who does not agree too easily to all she says.

Agreeing isn’t bad. But disagreeing at times and asserting own opinions signify that a man has independent way of thinking and cannot simply be convinced. Thus, capable of leading.

Who speaks respectfully about his parents.

The way a man deal with his parents would in all likelihood be the  way he would treat his partner in the future.

Who presents her to his parents and relatives.

Image taken from weheartit.com

Who does not expect payment in return for dates.

This and the previous statement are I think understandable.

Who does not dream about her too often.

Dreaming frequently about a person often idealize than realize.

Who would not “die” for her.

To “die” means to surrender all of a man’s ability to lead and improve, and instead depend on how he could inflate his needs from the emotional bank of his partner.

Who considers religious matters as important as his girl.

Putting God before everything would mean that a man’s life is complete without needing for someone to complete it for him, yet he chooses the woman in order to have someone to share his abounding love with.

Who respects her religious beliefs and her standards of life.

Love is wanting the best for the other person and not basically changing the other person to conform into how he imagined and hoped her to be.

Who will make an exemplary father for her children.

Such a young man is very pleasing to a wise woman. A man like that does not fall for a coat of many colors and his courtship is pure and sincere.

Then maybe, I speak for the same opinion. At least for my interpretations that is how I describe my ideal man. And I choose to call him Landon Carter.

Image Credits:

weheartit.com

Reference:

Best of a Lady compiled by J. Maurus

Beyonce and the Bible Speaks of Marriage

There are times when I fond hope of my own wedding ceremony. To for a spell wish for things to turn out right in the future should I decide to settle down is something which I include in my prayers. Yes, definitely!

Image taken from weheartit.com

            This post has been greatly inspired by an entry written by Dennis Sy, a blogger and moreover a real man who admirably loves God, his wife and children. I was deeply encouraged to relate to others (Read: you who’s reading this right now) what he thought about relationships and marriage in an unexpectedly modern and fun way. Read full of Dennis Sy's article, Apostle Paul and Beyonce's Theology of Marriage, dennissy.com. Follow Dennis Sy on Twitter.

When I first had my own share of experience being into a relationship with someone, I honestly considered a great challenge to prove to myself, my partner, and God that we would remain pure despite being into a “romantic” relationship. And thankfully with the grace of God, we did. It ended in two years too soon but I am more than grateful up to now for not only meeting people but having to remain pure and dignified even if we did not end up together.

Anyway, the greater risk comes when couples (in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships) get to a point of being tempted to get physical. This as far as I’m concerned is one of the highest scaled issues experienced by anyone in a relationship yet outside of marriage.

                       

The Apostle Paul said:

But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.- 1Cor. 7:9

I haven’t come across with this scripture before but now. Thanks to Dennis Sy.

Needless to say that there are scores of virginal pair of legs going bad because of what I call “physical temptation”. Roughly put, there are also relationships going sour and pregnant-singles going deranged because of this. You might say I am playing hypocrite and bluff here, pretty near being too conventional. Of course not. Getting this statistics of “broken purity” and “broken relationships” is something which anyone can hardly be happy about.

This is also not being old-fashioned and highly traditional. Let me (also) introduce you to a song by Sister Beyonce when she sung a beautiful hymn “All the Single Ladies” that according to Dennis Sy, sums up what Apostle Paul was trying to say in the scripture. 

Image taken from israelunite.org

Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it. Don’t be mad once you see that he want it. If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it.

PUT A RING ON IT!      

                            

To all you single men, show some real MAN-- stop the sex. Put some ring on it!

To all you Single Ladies-- sing:

Video added by lotofvids via youtube.com

All the single ladies. Now put your hands up. Woo oh oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ooh.

       :D

Image/ Video Credits:

weheartit.com
israelunite.org

youtube.com