Appreciation is a basic need in any relationship. Any person who says he doesn't need to be appreciated is probably someone who needs it more.
We are greatly influenced by our interaction with different people everyday-- our personal beliefs, ideals, values, desires, and preferences. We are accustomed to what we think is right for us based on these influences. But when we become so engrossed with appropriateness, we tend to easily identify flaws and weaknesses in our mate. We forget to express appreciation, and sometimes magnify minor mistakes instead.
Not only is appreciation an occasional need, but an everyday need. Men thrive for admiration. And so do women.
If you want your mate to keep loving you-- you need to do one important thing-- appreciate him/ her. Doing this will take you far in your relationship. Or even save a dying one.
Here's how to do it:
1. Be vocal about it
Verbal expression of appreciation, rather than nagging, is as important as the actions. Your mate needs to hear you say it, too.
2. Point out specific qualities
Study your mate-- his/ her likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, even his/ her moods and idiosyncrasies. Observe everyday for unrecognized attitudes and abilities that need deliberate appreciation.
Some believe doing best at work is important. Others believe it's making for a peaceful home. Either ways, if your mate feels this way, try to appreciate his/ her job. For example, if he reached a quota at work, or aced an important exam or project, inserted an IV cath perfectly, or decorated a tidy and cozy living space. These things, no mater how little, need to be appreciated. It develops self- worth (which all person is working hard for) and in effect, a better relationship.
3. Don't Flatter
Your mate needs to hear you say it, too-- from the heart. Flattery is an insincere and selfish kind of appreciation.
Pay attention to your mate to get to know him/ her. That way, you don't have to make up things for the intention to prove that you, indeed, are appreciative. In fact, we humans have the ability to smell false praise. If it happens, it reaps us a rather opposite result.
4. Appreciate Daily
Never let a day pass without telling him how much he is appreciated. Practicing it is one of the most effective ways to having a smooth relationship.
As you become more accepting, you'll understand why your mate thinks differently from yours. As you become more understanding, your mate will reveal more to you.
Listen to your mate, ask questions he/ she will enjoy answering. And try to participate in activities he enjoys at least once in a while. You don't lose anything by going the extra mile to get curious on what he's interested on. It's one way to show your appreciation.
Appreciation is a powerful tool to change negative behavior in your mate. It applies positive reinforcement in dealing with a hard- to- change partner. Instead of getting mad if he does something you don't like, appreciate him when he does something you approve. This positive approach to relationships is much more effective than making things an issue.
I pray you all an appreciative relationship. God bless your heart!
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