How Porn Affects the Male Brain

Pornography is KING. To men and women of different ages, it is.

It is evident in television advertisements, websites, and even in John Mayer's interview with Playboy Magazine in 2010. 

Pornography? It’s a new synaptic pathway. You wake up in the morning, open a thumbnail page, and it leads to a Pandora’s Box of visuals. There have probably been days when I saw 300 [women] before I got out of bed….Internet pornography has absolutely changed my generation’s expectations.…You’re looking for the one photo out of 100 you swear is going to be the one you finish to, and you still don’t finish. Twenty seconds ago you thought that photo was the hottest thing you ever saw, but you throw it back…How does that not affect the psychology of having a relationship with somebody? It’s got to.¹

At age 3 you can already see a pre-schooler adeptly maneuver a psp or a tab. At 8 he starts using social media to express his thoughts and build his own circle of game buddies. At 12 he knows FHM and Playboy very well. At 17 he's junked-up with the woman he saw on one of the porn sites. It's computer addiction at first, then an ensuing porn addiction.

When I first ran into this article in Teach With Joy by Joy T. Mendoza, I agreed when she mentioned that people become so enslaved to pornography without considering how it can equally damage the essence of creating an intimate relationship between husband and wife. 

Pornography must surely have an extremely elating influence on every person that sees it. Because it's desolating but true to know that when you speak of intimacy  today, it's almost always associated with pornography or in its tangible form-- sex. 

Dr. William Struthers was right. We are all living in a "pornified" society. When you talk to most couples, you would hardly hear one who'll not admit that they have engaged in pre- marital sexual relationship somehow or another. 

It's not like I try to lip serve you with a bickering list of religious dogmas, what-should-bes, and an entire read of bible scriptures from the book of Genesis to Revelations. I'm pretty conscious with how the words of God have started to become like a painful tumor in the ass to most people today.

Porn habitues continue to get so consumed with the pleasurable visuals of sex without having any idea how it affects their brain in the same way that their look is largely affected by what they eat. 

The brain is a powerful organ. But Dr. Struthers explained that it doesn't have the ability to excrete unacceptable data as much as digestive system can expel waste food materials. It only keeps on feeding itself what it perceives is important to keep, and store the not so important details to a distant memory. 

Pornography is unfortunately one of those data. It has an exciting effect. As sexual beings we have the tendencies to constantly get in touch with whatever pleasurable thing we experience.

It's like buying an ice cream in a scoop. You don't really get to remember how the ice cream vendor scooped it into the cone, or what the color of the cone was. You would only remember its taste. 

The brain also has the ability to mimic what it sees. That ability is a blessing and a curse. The curse is when it registers and imitates things that will eventually have a destructive effect. 

If this is how intimacy and sexuality is viewed and practiced today, I wonder how it will be viewed and practiced in the future.

From the Fifty Shades Trilogy to the Perks of Being a Wallflower. Its extremely elating influence leverages movies and makes books the bestselling they can be. Sex sells, a LOT.

When I first read Fifty Shades, I had an instantaneous observation of its deliberate use of the word "sex" while most other books would only describe it indeterminately as "making love".

The Perks on the other hand  tackled molestation like it's a normal thing to do. I don't think these happenings are only brought by a minute of exposure to an erratic visual. It takes constant exposure and an entire society.

These are of course my personal opinions. I do not attempt to confound the persons behind all these books, movies, websites, and advertisements. But I find the crippling effects of pornography deserving of my articulate skepticism.

Sexual intimacy is not alone an event brought by surging hormones. It's also a spiritual event.

There is no such thing as “just looking” at porn. There can be no doubt that it affects us neurologically in long-lasting ways. ~ William Struthers, Ph.D. , The Effects of Porn on the Male Brain

I sincerely pray that God will enlighten everyone with the sanctity of marriage and sexuality. Let spiritual ridicule and sexual misuse be surrendered unto HIM.



What's your view?

References:

teachwithjoy (dot) com

equip (dot) org

Photo Credits:
weheartit (dot) com

Why Saying Sorry Won’t Help You Get Your Girlfriend Back

It’s easy to say “I’m sorry” , but meaning it is another story. This is practically a comeback post on anything relationships.

"I still love you today the way I loved you yesterday"

While sorry is one of the hardest words to tell, recognizing that you have wronged the other person matters just as much. Whatever reasons you have in ending a relationship, it is always never easy to claim that you both are readily amenable to move on. 

The seemingly touch of freedom after the breakup might only be temporary. At the end of the day you know that there is still a deep trouble that slinks underneath yourself.

Emotional Tank

Books, people, or even your inner voice can tell you, that to make a sincere apology you have to get through the other person and tell her how much you accept that you committed a mistake. To convey to her that you are very sorry and that you regret the day you had ever hurt her. To which it is relatively polite and proper.

But being apologetic is rather an understatement. There is more to asking for forgiveness than expressing it whichever ways. Make more sense about why you are saying your apologies.

Perhaps you are saying sorry because you could no longer put up with stigma other people have attached on you. Saying sorry is not even about the guilt. Or maybe, you are only trying to atone past issues because  you are catching a bad situation and you think that your unresolved issue with your ex is the main  reason you make lame with your progress in life.

You are the one holding yourself. You cannot always blame the other person for all the bad happenings in your life. You are your own master. You were capable of ending a relationship in the first place.

It must've not happened

If you can’t muster up the courage to master your thoughts and understand your emotions, you will mostly end up thinking that you are sorry for your mistakes when in fact you are only looking for means to console yourself. And apologizing is but a superficial way to do that.

You have to learn how to fill up your emotional tank without depending on others. Otherwise it will still send the idea that you are not really trying to make up for the offenses you’ve done.

Be honest. Man up. You don't apologize simply because your present emotion tells you so.

Take Responsibility

It’s a big discouragement to let other people do the apologizing for you. It’s self-explanatory.

No matter how difficult you think the going gets, you have to stand up for your own actions and initiate apologies yourself. And by “yourself” I mean finding time to express remorse personally. You are making amends to a human being and not to a virtual board.

Apologize for the other person’s feelings and not for your own behavior. Because if apologizing to you means justifying what you did, you are only trying to win yourself and not your girlfriend (and her respect) back. 

You are not only responsible for your own actions but for the consequences as well.




Photo Credits:
weheartit (dot) com

Handling Relationships and What-not’s

Experience is not the best teacher, character is.

Some say people who have had experience in past relationships are able to handle their next relationships better. I may not agree all the time.

Heartbreak Warfare

It’s true that all people who come and go past our lives leave a significant lesson we can learn huge from.

Romantically involved relationships in particular give us a portal to brand new perspectives to which we can build wisdom to and apply in our future day-to-day relationship encounters.

But moving on from past relationships does not always mean learning the lessons we have gotten from the experience. We cannot alone move forward and become the better person we claim ourselves we are, if we only recognize that we are hurt and still fail to find solutions and make good judgment out of it.

How to Make a Man Court You

“How do we urge it?” asked several single women as I wind up counseling back in college. That was one of the most frequently asked questions I have encountered.

I have become more aware now of the reality that women are still fervent in praying for the right man (whom they really want) to court them as soon.

Image taken from weheartit.com

When love begins to fill the air, we start to wish that the person we want would finally set out to pursue us. But all this wishful thinking can also be very tricky. We never know if what we ask would do us more good than bad, more happiness than hurt.

There are women who bend over backwards and go an extra mile to get the man they want. They try almost everything they can to get him more interested-- wrote him love letters, called him first for a date, cooked for him, compromised other things to make time for him, or the more, dressed provocatively to entice him. And most if not all only come to realize that it just drove the man farther. It's no joke for us women to mortify ourselves just to get the man courting us.

How to be Mr. Right and Ms. Right

Image taken from weheartit.com

Mr. Right, Ms. Right, searches recurrently made by people woman and man alike. There’s no wonder why people put up with the risk of either luckily finding the right person or unfortunately losing the chance each time. Because one of the most important decisions we will ever make is the decision of who we will spend the rest of our life with.

What makes it significant is that it tells at least for contemplation of how our life will be soon as we reach the age when life starts to get shorter. The direction of our life will be influenced highly by that very choice. Through time couples become similar in many ways as they get to learn and share the same way of thinking and behaving.

But one of the most apparent reasons why we guys fail in the search over and over is because we only take so much a time looking for Mr. Right and Ms. Right instead of becoming Mr. Right or Ms. Right ourselves.

Listen to this audio by Mr. and Mrs. Dennis and Thammie Sy at the Victory Ubelt on their talk about love, and of becoming the right person worth finding at the right time:

How I met Landon Carter

Anyone among you guys know Landon Carter? In case you have forgotten, he played-actor of a fictional character springing forth “true love” down the little port town of Beaufort, North Carolina. He is the Landon Carter of Nicholas Spark’s bestselling novel turned top 
rated movie, A Walk to Remember.

Image taken from weheartit.com

He was someone who would fall unlikely to serious conservative women playing less cool as anyone could get. He had no ambitions and no plans for the future. Who you think would also likely fall for his kind of man? Jamie Sullivan did in a story which anyone would most probably hope for. You might get yourself the book and the movie to find out the reason why.

The rules tell us (true love hopefuls) the stipulations and schemes in finding the right man (or woman), the goal of which is real love. But finding the right person, to be more specific in this post, the right man does not necessarily demand false praises and infatuation-based decisions as type of predation.

Inasmuch as men particularly look for women with balanced character and a considerate amount of mental & physical attractiveness, “wise” women as well strongly ask for a man with certain qualities. And speaking of qualities, we talk of matrimony as a common denominator in every pursuit of a relationship.

In a book compiled by J. Maurus, it said that when you look forward to a bright future in matrimony, model yourself after the pattern of this wise girl and you will be the gainer.

She looks for the man:

Who does not become crazy over her at first sight.

Becoming crazy at first sight would flag a man’s inability to contain and be responsible for his own emotions and as a resort give in too easily to the emotional traps and impulses of physical attraction. This physical attraction will more likely not be limited to one woman only.

Who does not ask her to “go along”.

Asking a woman to “go along” with his own standards would mean that he does not give equal importance to what matters to the woman.

 Who does not agree too easily to all she says.

Agreeing isn’t bad. But disagreeing at times and asserting own opinions signify that a man has independent way of thinking and cannot simply be convinced. Thus, capable of leading.

Who speaks respectfully about his parents.

The way a man deal with his parents would in all likelihood be the  way he would treat his partner in the future.

Who presents her to his parents and relatives.

Image taken from weheartit.com

Who does not expect payment in return for dates.

This and the previous statement are I think understandable.

Who does not dream about her too often.

Dreaming frequently about a person often idealize than realize.

Who would not “die” for her.

To “die” means to surrender all of a man’s ability to lead and improve, and instead depend on how he could inflate his needs from the emotional bank of his partner.

Who considers religious matters as important as his girl.

Putting God before everything would mean that a man’s life is complete without needing for someone to complete it for him, yet he chooses the woman in order to have someone to share his abounding love with.

Who respects her religious beliefs and her standards of life.

Love is wanting the best for the other person and not basically changing the other person to conform into how he imagined and hoped her to be.

Who will make an exemplary father for her children.

Such a young man is very pleasing to a wise woman. A man like that does not fall for a coat of many colors and his courtship is pure and sincere.

Then maybe, I speak for the same opinion. At least for my interpretations that is how I describe my ideal man. And I choose to call him Landon Carter.

Image Credits:

weheartit.com

Reference:

Best of a Lady compiled by J. Maurus

Beyonce and the Bible Speaks of Marriage

There are times when I fond hope of my own wedding ceremony. To for a spell wish for things to turn out right in the future should I decide to settle down is something which I include in my prayers. Yes, definitely!

Image taken from weheartit.com

            This post has been greatly inspired by an entry written by Dennis Sy, a blogger and moreover a real man who admirably loves God, his wife and children. I was deeply encouraged to relate to others (Read: you who’s reading this right now) what he thought about relationships and marriage in an unexpectedly modern and fun way. Read full of Dennis Sy's article, Apostle Paul and Beyonce's Theology of Marriage, dennissy.com. Follow Dennis Sy on Twitter.

When I first had my own share of experience being into a relationship with someone, I honestly considered a great challenge to prove to myself, my partner, and God that we would remain pure despite being into a “romantic” relationship. And thankfully with the grace of God, we did. It ended in two years too soon but I am more than grateful up to now for not only meeting people but having to remain pure and dignified even if we did not end up together.

Anyway, the greater risk comes when couples (in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships) get to a point of being tempted to get physical. This as far as I’m concerned is one of the highest scaled issues experienced by anyone in a relationship yet outside of marriage.

                       

The Apostle Paul said:

But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.- 1Cor. 7:9

I haven’t come across with this scripture before but now. Thanks to Dennis Sy.

Needless to say that there are scores of virginal pair of legs going bad because of what I call “physical temptation”. Roughly put, there are also relationships going sour and pregnant-singles going deranged because of this. You might say I am playing hypocrite and bluff here, pretty near being too conventional. Of course not. Getting this statistics of “broken purity” and “broken relationships” is something which anyone can hardly be happy about.

This is also not being old-fashioned and highly traditional. Let me (also) introduce you to a song by Sister Beyonce when she sung a beautiful hymn “All the Single Ladies” that according to Dennis Sy, sums up what Apostle Paul was trying to say in the scripture. 

Image taken from israelunite.org

Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it. Don’t be mad once you see that he want it. If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it.

PUT A RING ON IT!      

                            

To all you single men, show some real MAN-- stop the sex. Put some ring on it!

To all you Single Ladies-- sing:

Video added by lotofvids via youtube.com

All the single ladies. Now put your hands up. Woo oh oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ooh.

       :D

Image/ Video Credits:

weheartit.com
israelunite.org

youtube.com

A Healthy Amount of...Lust?

Image taken from weheartit.com

Yeah, let’s talk about it open-mindedly. Do away with your prejudices for a moment. It’s a topic so unusual for me to write about, yet it’s one of the most interesting, right? 

Lust.  It isn’t just a guy problem. It’s a problem of both the macho and the unmanly-- a human problem.

Most people young and old have issues with this. Those who think they don’t may freely stop reading the next lines and click the “X” button on the upper right. This is for all people single, dating, married, or separated who is most probably facing the same habitual sin.

While writing about it is easier said than done, lust has become a confidential sin that lie in wait of people in distinctive yet common ways. I won’t make up for all the right solutions and judgment on this matter. None of us come to anything with conspicuous analysis. Everyone is but civilly passing on premises and speculations according to the decipherability of an idea and some personal influences.

Thrashing out this topic, though would demand more than a few thoughts and deliberation. But touching a fraction of it would, I think do you more justice than acquainting you with litany of estimations. So I promise to sum this up to a few descriptive.

          This post has been inspired by a book that speaks of sexual morality by Joshua Harris, a good Christian Author who “rightly beguiles” you into yielding and seeking for the best author and giver of love, life, and faith. I may not agree in everything that he’s written there but reading his books and understanding his points somehow makes me feel eligible to meditate on moral dedications and be responsible in sharing these ideas without being too anecdotal lest faulty opinions lead me self-righteous.

Here’s a familiar scenario: 

A sexy and attractive lass is walking down the hallway in spaghetti straps and miniskirts. There’s nothing wrong with appreciating the attractiveness of this head turner and that staring at her and trying to imagine a little bit more is very minimal in comparison to actually walking up to intentionally harass her. Or, purposely or accidentally clicking on porn tube instead of youtube to watch few videos is not as grave as engaging into fornication with several sexual compulsives. Do you agree? 

While some people may not have the same opinion, agreeing to this is like tantamount to saying that not giving up 100 % to lust is still acceptable; that there is a precise limit of percentage of it that won’t make that much of damage for so long as you know how to control yourself. 

But how do we know if we’re on the right measure of lust? What are the things that we could consider as justifiable whenever we try to lust? Or if a little amount of it is fair, then why is lust still ever found in the 7 capital sins?

Who should chase in love: Man or Woman?

Love chase; one to run after the other. Who is really to do it, the man or the woman?

Chase the love you want l Image taken from wehearit.com

I asked different men and women from distinct walks of life-- married, in a relationship, or otherwise. I, at some sort, find most of their answers similar. 

While this topic is a bore to many online readers, there is still a large fraction of people out there (net or the real world) who search for concrete opinions on this matter, which means that this topic is still an issue of interest to a whole slew of curious minds (and hearts). That’s why I decided to write this entry. 

I opted to solicit others’ standpoint by asking some friends of the same age and older, joining forums on different other websites, and conceded reading some references in the hope of giving this entry a fair concept.  I am not posting those people’s answers here for confidential reasons but everything that I will put across in this entry serves as the inference of all the ideas I got from my searching.

Let me get it clearer that by chase I mean the one who should be following, calling the shots in dating, and making the first move. And by first move I mean the very first to come close and “seek the hand of the other”. The issue as to whoever has to say sorry first during misunderstandings or a lovers’ quarrel, or anything within the walls of a relationship is beside to the point. This is more of the issues prior to relationship-- the courting stage.

Let it be the Man…

                       

• ·       What the Bible says 

Long ago in genesis time, man was already created to lead, to initiate, "But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God”, 1 Corinthians 11:3. Whoa! Before you fire up and proceed to the “road rage” I would like to emphasize that the verse is not written here to battle with gender equalities. Many scripture passages describe how the Lord authorized the headship of a man over a woman (e.g. Genesis 2:18, Ephesians 5:22-23). Although this doesn’t necessarily mean that women cannot become leaders. Get yourself into the context that even from the Bible, the Lord has ordained men as the ones who start things in their families and communities.

• ·      Let’s talk about his Nature 

Let him take charge l Image taken from wehearit.com

Have you noticed all the men around you-- fathers, brothers, uncles, neighbors? Ever wonder why a guy friend of yours instantly grabbed a bottle of coke and opened it knowing that there is only one man (him) in a dine of  three girls? Tell him it’s ok to break off at four bottles of beer and he would say he can keep up to six bottles of it. Suggest to your husband to turn left and he would say the right lane is shorter. That’s how a man’s brain operates. Of course these incidents don’t always happen all the same but these are concrete examples of men’s nature to follow their impulse and be the first to set things in motion; besides mentioning how the society requires them to be. 

I remember speaking in one of my previous posts that men love the thrill of the chase. And they do. They too love challenges, the reason why they don’t raise the white flag without giving a boxing or a football game a fair try. You’ll find them more excited and satisfied in telling the story of how they were able to catch a fish than have someone else to catch it for them. It starts up their engine when it's taking them a little difficult and long to bait the hook, throw it to the sea, wait for the prey, and pull the rod out the water with an exceptional catch-- greatly fulfilling! So to speak, the harder a woman is to get, the more that a man wants to conquer her.