Have you heard that 10 % of conflicts is due to difference in opinion and 90% is due to wrong tone of voice?
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| Image Credit: care2.com |
Conflicts are sometimes inevitable but there are effective ways to resolve it. You and your partner have the full responsibility to work things out among yourselves. Otherwise you tolerate that your relationship is bound to fall apart, and you are ready to accept it if it does.
But how about if you are doing your part but your partner keeps breaking the rules?
Break out?
No.
Look for another person to fall for instead?
Not, either.
Choose not to argue. There are times when you will be pushed to your limits and be drawn to it, but instead of responding to the rode rage war, avoid the invitation to fight back with bitter words.
For a misinterpreting partner
If you are lucky enough to have a misinterpreting partner, the one who misunderstands a perfectly legitimate and polite word or action, do not argue but state calmly and reasonably: "I'm sorry it sounded like that. What I meant is that...", or "I'm sorry that it made you feel that way...". Do not forget to recognize his feelings and humbly apologize for it whether it's really your fault or not. But be sure to state what you actually meant with your words and actions by avoiding phrases that will trigger his defense.
For a partner with a sharp tongue
If your partner is specially blessed with sarcasm, be direct and tell him openly: "I feel hurt when you say words like... I know I do things that hurt you also but I hope you are open that we try to avoid such things already", or "It hurts when you do things like...We could find some time if there's anything you'd like us to talk about".
For a faultfinder
If he likes keeping records of your wrongs, do not defend yourself. Instead take note on your "sins". When he has said all of it, say something like, "I noticed you mentioned this thing about me. If I'm really at fault here, I apologize. I'm willing to talk it over with you and I hope you are, too". Remember to allow yourselves to cool down first.
For an exaggerating partner
When he makes ridiculous exaggeration about the things you say or do like "You never care for me", or "You always do..." do not attempt to correct it. Instead recognize that there is probably a reason why your partner felt that way and you are not there to invalidate it but resolve it by saying things like, "I know it upsets you when you said that I do this often. I'll try not to let it happen again by...". Again, recognize how it made him feel and show sincere willingness to address it and be specific about your solutions so that he'll know that you are actually taking concrete steps to solve it.
And if he insists on these kinds of attitude, tell him. But avoid putting pressure as to when he should improve. Some issues are hard to come by for some people, and your partner might just need to take a little more time to do it.
Remember too that sometimes, there are really some people who always seem angry and continuously look for faults in others. Do not go with it. The battle they are fighting is not with you, it is with themselves. You can choose to stay reasonable. You can assert your own thoughts and feelings without arguing. By maintaining tactful words and manner, you are saving tons in your relationship.
God bless your heart!
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