If love is a choice, why are there still marriages broken in the end?
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| Does love has boundaries? Is there a limit for choosing to love someone? |
Love as a Choice
No person who has ever loved doesn't have any idea, or haven't heard of the saying, "Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus". We say that men's way of loving is different. But it is not as though they only manifest their affection when they are gratified sexually. In fact they are affectionate by nature. But their approach to love differs from that of women's.
Men often project love in a more practical way. For example, a husband shows his love by fixing the furnace or by waking up at 5 in the morning, to head out to work, and be back home at 6pm or later. He endures this everyday, and sometimes would only ask for a proper meal or a simple hug from his wife. An action like that may sound as simple as a husband who is only doing his responsibilities. But there must be a far deeper reason why he pushes it everyday in his life. And it is by choice that he does it religiously as his way to provide and demonstrate his love for his family.
A wife on the other hand shows her love by doing household chores, homeschooling her kids, and working at the same time finding an opportunity at the end of the day to touch her husband and whisper the words "I love you". It is also by choice that she willingly does it everyday to demonstrate her care and love for her family.
The ways from which love was portrayed are different but it didn't mean that the depth of one's love is greater than the other . The essential element that enables them to continually show their love for each other, in their respective ways, is not simply brought about by counting on any changing things but choice. Otherwise it becomes a dragging responsibility which they do while desire is still present.
What kind of Choice is the Choice for Loving Someone
Choice in love does not mean "obligatory choice" in which a man and a woman chooses each other only because they don't have other options, or because they believe in the idea that true love is a choice.
It largely depends on the force that drives the person of that very choice. Do you love a person because you choose him? Or you choose him because you love him? Those are almost the same things that mean sincerely different.
The integral part about choice for loving someone is still found in the inner core of your being and not merely by the cultivation of it. It's in the things that made you fall in love with that person, and how you developed that feeling that eventually made you ready enough to share the love that abounds from yourself.You choose to love a person because you are ready to offer a selfless kind of love to him/ her. Only and only then can you say that your choice is genuine.
It does not even matter how long you have lived together. It's the driving force that made you choose to live with that person from the very start.
But Why are We still Broken?
You might have to reflect on what motivated or driven you to love that person. Is it because you admire him, flaws and all, and it is to him that you'd like to offer your affection for? Is it because there's no other way out, but if you only could? Or is it because it's what books and experts tell you?
Love encompasses all things which logic does not. Similarities, appreciation, difference, sacrifice, endurance, faithfulness, trust, and mutual understanding are simply parts of what it is. But the driving force for choosing to love someone should be based upon the totality of it and not on what it is composed of.
Truly loving someone, at its deepest meaning, is a forever commitment. It means that you have to continually make the same choice everyday the way Jesus has put endless love for the Church. However, that choice should be mutual. Because if all else fails, there are only two persons you can directly ask-- yourselves.
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| Love is an everyday choice. |
One of the most prominent reasons why marriages fail is this - husband and wife presume that because they have obtained a license to marry, their success is guaranteed. If through presumption you forget the courtesies by which you won each other, you are likely to wreck your marriage.
I hope you have learned something from this post. God bless your heart!
Reference:
The Compleat Marriage by Nancy Van Pelt
Photo Credits:
weheartit (dot) com
