Decoding a Hard-to-change Partner

You've heard it, many times. Nagging doesn't work. But how can we help it? He has done so many mistakes and there's no way we can let it pass anymore, or else we have accepted our defeat to be treated unwell every time, right? And what can be the most direct way to address it than to tell him in the face why he's making us feel bad?

That Nagging Stuff

Conveying our anger verbally or non- verbally is one clear proof that we do not accept the way we are treated or told. And nagging is the most common form of that nonacceptance.

Even if the reason behind the nagging is good, it will still definitely create a negative effect more than positive. Either our partner will give that silent treatment, become more withdrawn, or become openly hostile and angry. Because nagging triggers defense. There's no way to kill love than to express full disapproval, especially through nagging.

It will make it difficult for a man to appreciate his wife/ girlfriend. In effect, a woman will also have difficulty expressing and receiving the kind of love she wants.

But if You Really Must Do It

Don't let nagging kill love, but let your love for each other kill the nagging instead. If you really must point out the mistake of your partner:

Tone your voice and manner.

We know that sometimes it is not what we say but how we say it that hurts a person. Since childhood, we already resist being constantly dictated of what to do and what not. The same thing goes for grown ups. 

A man will reveal more to a woman he can trust. To enable that, you have to speak as an equal. Talk to each other as equal partners. Take time to ease the emotion or wait until the incident has passed and avoid a direct attack. When the argument is still fresh, we are  too close to the situation that we cannot view it with clarity. Remember just how much you can save by simply putting an extra humility by toning your voice and watching your manner to allow wisdom and perspective to come into the picture.

Commit to listen.

It is one of the most important keys in every communication. Most of us are "interrupters", we have this obstinate tendencies to chime in at any given time, always wanting to be heard. But a conversation can happen without communication. We can keep on speaking without understanding what the other person is saying because we never really tried to listen. The result is always two people who are never justified with how things are going. The problem only gets magnified rather than solved.

Tame your tongue.

It is definitely not plasticity. It simply shows that you understand your relationship enough to let it matter more than any other presumption your problem has created. It's an indication of your willingness to reach out and patch things up with your partner.

The words "I", "always", and "never" are infinitives that will assure you of unresolved problems and a dying marriage. Remember that you have to cater not only to your own needs but the needs of your partner. And the "I" word is a complete impediment to that. A running account of faults destroys marriage more quickly. While it is important that you become honest with your partner about the real score, there is still the right way to do it without bringing out words than can stir defense.

Acceptance is the key

Nothing is more liberating, aside from love, than to know that you are accepted by the persons that matter to you most. We understand that truly loving our partner means that we have accepted him/ her black and white. But as years go by, we discover attitudes which we think are not helpful or need some improving to do, for us and for our partner's good. But change must be total and deliberate for it to be successful. And it cannot happen if we attempt to change the other person but ourselves. There are threefold axiom that may help shape our attitudes of acceptance:

1. We can change no one by direct action.
2. We can change only ourselves.
3. When we change ourselves, others tend to change in response to us.

Any kind of relationship is a system. It is said that change in one part of the system is always followed by compensatory change in other parts. If a husband or boyfriend is disinterested, maybe something in his wife or girlfriend pushes him to be. If a wife or girlfriend feels inadequate and jealous, perhaps her husband or boyfriend gives her enough reasons to be. 

While acceptance can be demonstrated by action, it is also important that we express it in words. For example, "I know that you are a good person and I like you the way you are." or "I like the way you do things". It may sound insincere at first, because it will take time for you to reach the point of complete acceptance. 

No two person who have fallen in love with each other have fully known and accepted their difference all at once when they started. Otherwise the choice  to journey life together would've been pointless. Acceptance is an everyday virtue. And the more you express acceptance, the more it will help you grow and reach complete acceptance.

But do you have to accept everything? No. This doesn't mean that you should deny the fact that you are separate individual, or that you have to tolerate even when the mistake of your partner already causes harm on you both. You don't have to be a doormat. It only means that you respect the person as he is, but would still choose to find a better way to work things out for everyone's behalf. Because acceptance is a human need that needs  to be filled. And no relationship can survive without it. The question is if it's worth it to nag your partner to change, or help each other resolve problems and work towards a better union.

I sincerely pray this post has helped you gain perspective on changing and accepting your partner, whether you are married or not yet. God bless you heart!

Reference:

The Compleat Marriage by Nancy Van Pelt

Photo Credits:

aegchu (dot) tumblr (dot) com

littlethings25 (dot) tumblr (dot) com

Why Love is a Choice and Many are still Broken

If love is a choice, why are there still marriages broken in the end?

Does love has boundaries? Is there a limit for choosing to love someone?

Love as a Choice

No person who has ever loved doesn't have any idea, or haven't heard of the saying, "Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus". We say that men's way of loving is different. But it is not as though they only manifest their affection when they are gratified sexually. In fact they are affectionate by nature. But their approach to love differs from that of women's. 

Men often project love in a more practical way. For example, a husband shows his love by fixing the furnace or by waking up at 5 in the morning, to head out to work, and be back home at 6pm or later. He endures this everyday, and sometimes would only ask for a proper meal or a simple hug from his wife. An action like that may sound as simple as a husband who is only doing his responsibilities. But there must be a far deeper reason why he  pushes it everyday in his life. And it is by choice that he does it religiously as his way to provide and demonstrate his love for his family.

A wife on the other hand shows her love by doing household chores, homeschooling her kids, and working at the same time finding an opportunity at the end of the day to touch her husband and whisper the words "I love you". It is also by choice that she willingly does it everyday to demonstrate her care and love for her family. 

The ways from which love was portrayed are different but it didn't mean that the depth of one's love is greater than the other . The essential element that enables them to continually show their love for each other, in their respective ways, is not simply brought about by counting on any changing things but choice. Otherwise it becomes a dragging responsibility which they do while desire is still present.

What kind of Choice is the Choice for Loving Someone

Choice in love does not mean "obligatory choice" in which a man and a woman chooses each other only because they don't have other options, or because they believe in the idea that true love is a choice.

It largely depends on the force that drives the person of that very choice. Do you love a person because you choose him? Or you choose him because you love him? Those are almost the same things that mean sincerely different. 

The integral part about choice for loving someone is still found in the inner core of your being and not merely by the cultivation of it. It's  in the things that made you fall in love with that person, and how you developed that feeling that eventually made you  ready enough to share the love that abounds from yourself.You choose to love a person because you are ready to offer a selfless kind of love to him/ her. Only and only then can you say that your choice is genuine. 

It does not even matter how long you have lived together. It's the driving force that made you choose to live with that person from the very start.

But Why are We still Broken?

You might have to reflect on what motivated or driven you to love that person. Is it because you admire him, flaws and all, and it is to him that you'd like to offer your affection for? Is it because there's no other way out, but if you only could? Or is it because it's what books and experts tell you? 

Love encompasses all things which logic does not. Similarities, appreciation, difference, sacrifice, endurance, faithfulness, trust, and mutual understanding are simply parts of what it is. But the driving force for choosing to love someone should be based upon the totality of it and not on what it is composed of. 

Truly loving someone, at its deepest meaning, is a forever commitment. It means that you have to continually make the same choice everyday the way Jesus has put endless love for the Church. However, that choice should be mutual. Because if all else fails, there are only two persons you can directly ask-- yourselves. 

Love is an everyday choice.

One of the most prominent reasons why marriages fail is this - husband and wife presume that because they have obtained a license to marry, their success is guaranteed. If through presumption you forget the courtesies by which you won each other, you are likely to wreck your marriage.

I hope you have learned something from this post. God bless your heart!







Reference:
The Compleat Marriage by Nancy Van Pelt

Photo Credits:
weheartit (dot) com

Understanding Your Mate (Through His/Her Brain)

The idea of understanding your mate sometimes doesn't sound understandable. Most books explain the why's and how to's that are honestly difficult to apply in life. Deadlocks?

Check out this hilarious clip from Mark Gungor to know how to figure out why a man's brain is made up of boxes and a woman's brain is made up of wires.

Part 1

Part 2

Photo/ Video Credits:
meltedsoup (dot) com
youtube (dot) com

Handling Relationships and What-not’s

Experience is not the best teacher, character is.

Some say people who have had experience in past relationships are able to handle their next relationships better. I may not agree all the time.

Heartbreak Warfare

It’s true that all people who come and go past our lives leave a significant lesson we can learn huge from.

Romantically involved relationships in particular give us a portal to brand new perspectives to which we can build wisdom to and apply in our future day-to-day relationship encounters.

But moving on from past relationships does not always mean learning the lessons we have gotten from the experience. We cannot alone move forward and become the better person we claim ourselves we are, if we only recognize that we are hurt and still fail to find solutions and make good judgment out of it.

How to Make a Man Court You

“How do we urge it?” asked several single women as I wind up counseling back in college. That was one of the most frequently asked questions I have encountered.

I have become more aware now of the reality that women are still fervent in praying for the right man (whom they really want) to court them as soon.

Image taken from weheartit.com

When love begins to fill the air, we start to wish that the person we want would finally set out to pursue us. But all this wishful thinking can also be very tricky. We never know if what we ask would do us more good than bad, more happiness than hurt.

There are women who bend over backwards and go an extra mile to get the man they want. They try almost everything they can to get him more interested-- wrote him love letters, called him first for a date, cooked for him, compromised other things to make time for him, or the more, dressed provocatively to entice him. And most if not all only come to realize that it just drove the man farther. It's no joke for us women to mortify ourselves just to get the man courting us.

When a Man Treats Good a Woman

Image taken from weheartit.com

I want to talk to the men this time. When you deal with the woman of your life, how do you make her feel?

When that woman walks up to you and sob without trying to speak a single word, how do you usually respond?

When your relationship has taken you both into years of familiar togetherness, how do you cater to her wants and needs?

When a woman communicates a problem to someone, she is generally looking for empathy. When a man communicates a problem to someone, he is generally looking for an answer, said John Gray in his book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”.

For a relationship to never lose its spice and let the affluence continue, it is said that both the man and woman need to extend an extra effort to do new adventures and new things to look forward to. True! 

But sometimes, when over familiarity breeds contempt and being together starts to become a bore, either the guy or the girl begins to take things for granted. Sadly, it happens unconsciously most of the time.  When it does, and no one in the relationship initiates to come to the rescue, both start to feel unappreciated hence unhappy.

3 Things Men Look for in a Woman

             

If you’re the kind of person who  wants to settle down in the future with the right man, you would surely want to know what it is that makes a man feel more than just the coincidental attraction for you.

Image taken from weheartit.com

Women though are wired to be more vocal and expressive than men. They can easily acknowledge their emotions and bring it up whenever they find it suitable. Well I know there’s really nothing new with what I said.

But one thing I’m pretty bit confident about is that, each of us (man and woman) have our own specs of identification as to what would attract us to a person; which by attraction doesn’t only mean the temporary gratification of it or some sort of emotional aberration. 

Still supposing, us women often overlook characters that would help us become more desirable to men.

And why you think do I speak for men when I am completely the same woman as you who makes for an interested damsel on lessons about love (and our counterpart)?

How to Court a "Lady" the Filipino Way

Image taken from weheartit.com

Let me tell you frankly, this entry is about the "Traditional Filipino Courting". But nah! I promise you this is only one fourth serious and conventional and three fourth fun and straightforward.

I have found here a video by I'm-not-sure-if-you're-familiar, Mikey Bustos that speaks about courtship and which on this regard is the most probably better way, would you do it.

Video from Mikey Bustos Videos via youtube.com

Funny but it let slip who we are. Right pinoys?

               "So rapid like lightning, noh ba!" ~ Mikey Bustos

Photo/ Video Credits:
weheartit.com
Mikey Bustos Videos, youtube.com

7 Things to Remember on How to Love a Person of the Opposite Sex

Relationship rules and anything in between have dominated people searching for relevant ways on how  to keep a good relationship going.  But most of the time, these rules have become so trivial that some suffer defeat of what it is really that they should keep in mind the moment they enter into a relationship.

            This entry has been inspired by my again favorite blogger Sean Si. Rewording his beliefs about relationships and giving them additional insights would I hope encourage other readers to keep their eyes open about the gift God gives us humans---love. Read Sean Si at h3sean.com. Also follow him on twitter.

You might have had what most of us call “mutual understanding” with someone, a fair relationship for a year or two, an emotion-full of ups and downs with somebody very special say for 5 years. But after a while, you found yourself asserting the lines, “At least I have the time now to love myself more”.

Image taken from weheartit.com

It is never really bad to love ourselves. But that doesn’t discount the fact that it’s painful when our feelings never work out for someone no matter how serious we are about it. And that it’s frightening when our relationships play Judas and leave us heartbroken in the end.

Why do all these things happen may be too broad an issue to talk about. But here are few things you should know when you are in a relationship or praying to find it one day with the opposite sex:

3 Wrong Concepts of Love (and 8 more)

Image taken from everyday-teen.blogspot.com

Look for the word love on google and what you see are phrases, definitions, and personal thoughts that pop up many and discrete in screeds. 

Love is friendship set on fire. Love moves in mysterious ways. Love is care. Love is trust-- definitions too accustomed and never-ending.

This post has been inspired by an entry written by Sean Si. Praise God for His insights through Him. Read full of Sean Si's article, 11 Wrong Concepts of Love, God and You. Follow Sean on Twitter.

From personal experiences to what others have lived through, we might already have worked out for our own designation of it, set bounds to.

But for all of you who are confused, probably haven’t come up with your own idea of it, or had yet unsure, here are some concepts that may help you either learn what it is, what it is not, and what it is supposed to be.

 Some points to ponder:

How to be Mr. Right and Ms. Right

Image taken from weheartit.com

Mr. Right, Ms. Right, searches recurrently made by people woman and man alike. There’s no wonder why people put up with the risk of either luckily finding the right person or unfortunately losing the chance each time. Because one of the most important decisions we will ever make is the decision of who we will spend the rest of our life with.

What makes it significant is that it tells at least for contemplation of how our life will be soon as we reach the age when life starts to get shorter. The direction of our life will be influenced highly by that very choice. Through time couples become similar in many ways as they get to learn and share the same way of thinking and behaving.

But one of the most apparent reasons why we guys fail in the search over and over is because we only take so much a time looking for Mr. Right and Ms. Right instead of becoming Mr. Right or Ms. Right ourselves.

Listen to this audio by Mr. and Mrs. Dennis and Thammie Sy at the Victory Ubelt on their talk about love, and of becoming the right person worth finding at the right time:

How I met Landon Carter

Anyone among you guys know Landon Carter? In case you have forgotten, he played-actor of a fictional character springing forth “true love” down the little port town of Beaufort, North Carolina. He is the Landon Carter of Nicholas Spark’s bestselling novel turned top 
rated movie, A Walk to Remember.

Image taken from weheartit.com

He was someone who would fall unlikely to serious conservative women playing less cool as anyone could get. He had no ambitions and no plans for the future. Who you think would also likely fall for his kind of man? Jamie Sullivan did in a story which anyone would most probably hope for. You might get yourself the book and the movie to find out the reason why.

The rules tell us (true love hopefuls) the stipulations and schemes in finding the right man (or woman), the goal of which is real love. But finding the right person, to be more specific in this post, the right man does not necessarily demand false praises and infatuation-based decisions as type of predation.

Inasmuch as men particularly look for women with balanced character and a considerate amount of mental & physical attractiveness, “wise” women as well strongly ask for a man with certain qualities. And speaking of qualities, we talk of matrimony as a common denominator in every pursuit of a relationship.

In a book compiled by J. Maurus, it said that when you look forward to a bright future in matrimony, model yourself after the pattern of this wise girl and you will be the gainer.

She looks for the man:

Who does not become crazy over her at first sight.

Becoming crazy at first sight would flag a man’s inability to contain and be responsible for his own emotions and as a resort give in too easily to the emotional traps and impulses of physical attraction. This physical attraction will more likely not be limited to one woman only.

Who does not ask her to “go along”.

Asking a woman to “go along” with his own standards would mean that he does not give equal importance to what matters to the woman.

 Who does not agree too easily to all she says.

Agreeing isn’t bad. But disagreeing at times and asserting own opinions signify that a man has independent way of thinking and cannot simply be convinced. Thus, capable of leading.

Who speaks respectfully about his parents.

The way a man deal with his parents would in all likelihood be the  way he would treat his partner in the future.

Who presents her to his parents and relatives.

Image taken from weheartit.com

Who does not expect payment in return for dates.

This and the previous statement are I think understandable.

Who does not dream about her too often.

Dreaming frequently about a person often idealize than realize.

Who would not “die” for her.

To “die” means to surrender all of a man’s ability to lead and improve, and instead depend on how he could inflate his needs from the emotional bank of his partner.

Who considers religious matters as important as his girl.

Putting God before everything would mean that a man’s life is complete without needing for someone to complete it for him, yet he chooses the woman in order to have someone to share his abounding love with.

Who respects her religious beliefs and her standards of life.

Love is wanting the best for the other person and not basically changing the other person to conform into how he imagined and hoped her to be.

Who will make an exemplary father for her children.

Such a young man is very pleasing to a wise woman. A man like that does not fall for a coat of many colors and his courtship is pure and sincere.

Then maybe, I speak for the same opinion. At least for my interpretations that is how I describe my ideal man. And I choose to call him Landon Carter.

Image Credits:

weheartit.com

Reference:

Best of a Lady compiled by J. Maurus

Beyonce and the Bible Speaks of Marriage

There are times when I fond hope of my own wedding ceremony. To for a spell wish for things to turn out right in the future should I decide to settle down is something which I include in my prayers. Yes, definitely!

Image taken from weheartit.com

            This post has been greatly inspired by an entry written by Dennis Sy, a blogger and moreover a real man who admirably loves God, his wife and children. I was deeply encouraged to relate to others (Read: you who’s reading this right now) what he thought about relationships and marriage in an unexpectedly modern and fun way. Read full of Dennis Sy's article, Apostle Paul and Beyonce's Theology of Marriage, dennissy.com. Follow Dennis Sy on Twitter.

When I first had my own share of experience being into a relationship with someone, I honestly considered a great challenge to prove to myself, my partner, and God that we would remain pure despite being into a “romantic” relationship. And thankfully with the grace of God, we did. It ended in two years too soon but I am more than grateful up to now for not only meeting people but having to remain pure and dignified even if we did not end up together.

Anyway, the greater risk comes when couples (in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships) get to a point of being tempted to get physical. This as far as I’m concerned is one of the highest scaled issues experienced by anyone in a relationship yet outside of marriage.

                       

The Apostle Paul said:

But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.- 1Cor. 7:9

I haven’t come across with this scripture before but now. Thanks to Dennis Sy.

Needless to say that there are scores of virginal pair of legs going bad because of what I call “physical temptation”. Roughly put, there are also relationships going sour and pregnant-singles going deranged because of this. You might say I am playing hypocrite and bluff here, pretty near being too conventional. Of course not. Getting this statistics of “broken purity” and “broken relationships” is something which anyone can hardly be happy about.

This is also not being old-fashioned and highly traditional. Let me (also) introduce you to a song by Sister Beyonce when she sung a beautiful hymn “All the Single Ladies” that according to Dennis Sy, sums up what Apostle Paul was trying to say in the scripture. 

Image taken from israelunite.org

Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it. If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it. Don’t be mad once you see that he want it. If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it.

PUT A RING ON IT!      

                            

To all you single men, show some real MAN-- stop the sex. Put some ring on it!

To all you Single Ladies-- sing:

Video added by lotofvids via youtube.com

All the single ladies. Now put your hands up. Woo oh oh ooh oh oh ooh oh oh ooh.

       :D

Image/ Video Credits:

weheartit.com
israelunite.org

youtube.com

A Woman's Question Every Man Should Know About

Let a woman ask you l Image taken from weheartit.com

           
  Many of us young hopeful hearts today go into relationships that in some way gratify our search for emotional happiness with our gender counterparts. We get ourselves absorbed into it for reasons like we get a sense of belonging to it, we benefit from the company and emotional attachment of the other person, or we prove a little something to ourselves that despite our mediocrity and personal defects, there is still someone who believes in us and in everything that we do.  

We eventually get a little less careful of ourselves because we are confident that someone else is there to remind us of our daily worth.

               Men in particular are entitled to every relationship’s beginnings since they are primarily the ones tasked to establish things in the love cycle. But does the idea mentioned in the previous paragraph really present the essence of a relationship— and marriage? 

Here is an excerpt written by Lena Lathrop from the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. Thanks to Sean Si for writing about this, it encouraged me to get my own share in influencing and spreading to you (every woman) the message to regard highly of yourself as one , and to you (every man) to reassess and dignify your view about us, your female equivalent. Read Sean Si's full article, A Woman's Question: God and the heart, God and You. Like Sean Si on Facebook.

A Woman’s Question by Lena Lathrop (I Kissed Dating Goodbye)

                             Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing

Ever made by the Hand above?

A woman’s heart, and a woman’s life -

And a woman’s wonderful love.

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing

As a child might ask for a toy?

Demanding what others have died to win,

With the reckless dash of a boy.

You have written my lesson of duty out,

Manlike, you have questioned me.

Now stand at the bars of my woman’s soul

Until I shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall always be hot,

Your socks and your shirt be whole;

I require your heart be true as God’s stars

And as pure as His heaven your soul.

Who should chase in love: Man or Woman?

Love chase; one to run after the other. Who is really to do it, the man or the woman?

Chase the love you want l Image taken from wehearit.com

I asked different men and women from distinct walks of life-- married, in a relationship, or otherwise. I, at some sort, find most of their answers similar. 

While this topic is a bore to many online readers, there is still a large fraction of people out there (net or the real world) who search for concrete opinions on this matter, which means that this topic is still an issue of interest to a whole slew of curious minds (and hearts). That’s why I decided to write this entry. 

I opted to solicit others’ standpoint by asking some friends of the same age and older, joining forums on different other websites, and conceded reading some references in the hope of giving this entry a fair concept.  I am not posting those people’s answers here for confidential reasons but everything that I will put across in this entry serves as the inference of all the ideas I got from my searching.

Let me get it clearer that by chase I mean the one who should be following, calling the shots in dating, and making the first move. And by first move I mean the very first to come close and “seek the hand of the other”. The issue as to whoever has to say sorry first during misunderstandings or a lovers’ quarrel, or anything within the walls of a relationship is beside to the point. This is more of the issues prior to relationship-- the courting stage.

Let it be the Man…

                       

• ·       What the Bible says 

Long ago in genesis time, man was already created to lead, to initiate, "But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God”, 1 Corinthians 11:3. Whoa! Before you fire up and proceed to the “road rage” I would like to emphasize that the verse is not written here to battle with gender equalities. Many scripture passages describe how the Lord authorized the headship of a man over a woman (e.g. Genesis 2:18, Ephesians 5:22-23). Although this doesn’t necessarily mean that women cannot become leaders. Get yourself into the context that even from the Bible, the Lord has ordained men as the ones who start things in their families and communities.

• ·      Let’s talk about his Nature 

Let him take charge l Image taken from wehearit.com

Have you noticed all the men around you-- fathers, brothers, uncles, neighbors? Ever wonder why a guy friend of yours instantly grabbed a bottle of coke and opened it knowing that there is only one man (him) in a dine of  three girls? Tell him it’s ok to break off at four bottles of beer and he would say he can keep up to six bottles of it. Suggest to your husband to turn left and he would say the right lane is shorter. That’s how a man’s brain operates. Of course these incidents don’t always happen all the same but these are concrete examples of men’s nature to follow their impulse and be the first to set things in motion; besides mentioning how the society requires them to be. 

I remember speaking in one of my previous posts that men love the thrill of the chase. And they do. They too love challenges, the reason why they don’t raise the white flag without giving a boxing or a football game a fair try. You’ll find them more excited and satisfied in telling the story of how they were able to catch a fish than have someone else to catch it for them. It starts up their engine when it's taking them a little difficult and long to bait the hook, throw it to the sea, wait for the prey, and pull the rod out the water with an exceptional catch-- greatly fulfilling! So to speak, the harder a woman is to get, the more that a man wants to conquer her. 

Back to Being Strangers

                    This entry has been inspired by the post “Strangers Again” by Dennis Sy. I swear thank God for all the insights and clarity I’m getting through his writings. Read full of his article Strangers Again, actlikeman.org, 06 May 2011. Like Dennis Sy on Facebook.

Back to being strangers; sounds very familiar. Here’s a short film which I got from youtube that flashes how each and every couple goes through the cycle of a relationship. And so I thought of giving it another perspective, an addition to what Dennis Sy has pointed on his entry. But before that, here’s the film:

video courtesy by Wong Fu Productions

Convinced with the film?

 Read on.

There are  many people who have anywise entered into such kind of a relationship and at one point wondered why everything has to end after 2, 5, or even 10 years of being together; why suddenly he/she can’t be the man/woman they’ve once fallen in love with; and tons of other questions.

Looking for Mr. Right

This is where he's found l Image taken from commons wikimedia

I found myself laughing when I caught sight of articles and entries on google of so many women around the world describing how they would want their Mr. Right to be. Don’t get me wrong by thinking I’m being hypocrite or whatever because to admit it, I too have my own set of standards of my Mr. Right. It’s just that while reading their write-ups, it made me think how many billions of women out there in the world who are looking forward to one day waking up and finding their Mr. Right knocking at their door.

How many of these women (at different stages of life) are still holding to the possibility of meeting that one person who could at least qualify most if not all of what they thought of as their Mr. Right?

I have been so much inspired by the readings I’ve found on that google search and the entry of one of my favorite bloggers, Sean Patrick Si.

Perhaps at one point in our lives when we were teenagers, we have thought of our Mr. Right as someone who fairly looks good, someone who sings us song during the prom night, someone in that blue varsity uniform whom we’ve talked and texted with for hours over the phone and said,” I’ll never try to break your heart”. And maybe when we’ve grown a little bit more and our perspectives have changed, we thought of our Mr. Right as someone who at most finished a degree in college and is responsible at taking care of himself and his career, someone who tries to comfort us whenever we get mad, someone who laughs at our jokes no matter how terrible they are, someone we can share some ideas with slack of whoever’s got the more intellectual opinion, someone who knows how important communication is for a relationship, and etcetera.

Our descriptions of Mr. Right come in varied and great quantities. And while reading this, you might already have been thinking of your own brand of ideals, too.

Who is Mr. Right?

Who is and who's not? l Image taken from commons wikimedia

That kind of man we’ve all been wishing for is neither Mr. Perfect nor Mr. Good Enough. We should try to remember that this person who is right for us may not be someone with all the great shape, abounding intellect, hefty bank account, or even the one with all the good traits we could ever name of an ideal man.

In reality he may also be someone as ordinary as others are; someone who is also wishing for an equally the same Ms. Right underneath same star. Cliché’ how I dropped that line but ladies might need to know that such kind of men likewise feel the need of finding someone who would understand why they need some time alone and would never ask why he needs it, someone who needs to be appreciated more, someone who would like to be treated like a man, or someone who would as well look less good when he wakes up in the morning. The main point is, he’s not all good and he also has some flaws. Having said that, I don’t necessarily mean too that we should also try to lower our standards of our Mr. Right, lower our expectations may be but never at the expense of compromising our beliefs and settling for someone who is a total reverse of what we’re supposed to get. There is, as far as I’m concerned, an amount of difference between Mr. Right and Mr. This-would-already-do.

                        Announcement: I am a dream girl who is looking for an equally opposite imperfect guy who has mastered the art of telling lies and catching me with blind words. If you’re the form of guy who spends more time with your peers and doesn’t care to give me a call or two in a month, you’re exactly my type. Someone who slaps and hits me like a dog is preferable. And if you entertain the idea of having dozens of relationships with other girls, that sure is a big plus. Promise I'll be the one to do everything.  So if you want someone who would die waiting for you to keep coming back whenever you want, go grab and court me NOW!

                       
You sure don’t want that idea quoted above, do you? Bottom line is, never overrate your apprehensions and assumptions of the Right Man as well as never downplay your values and standards too low. Don’t get to suffer just what you have precisely been trying to avoid.

When can we find Mr. Right?  

                       

Have we found him yet? l Image taken from commons wikimedia

There's no definite time. For the records maybe we have already found that Mr. Right and we just don’t care to notice it. Keep in mind that we should never use the idea of looking for Mr. Right in avoiding those who come our way and show us their sincerest affection. The right man is not a defense wall. But if at present you have that man flaunted right before you, then be sure to take care of him pretty well. Or if in case you haven’t come across with that person just yet; so what shall you do?

How to find Mr. Right?

Here’s how: I don’t have with me all the absolute solutions to that, for it may also be true that you have with you a better idea on this matter. But what I’m sure is, in the same manner that we pray for successful exams, stable career jobs, good health, and long life of our dear grands, we should also pray for this area of our life-- the love area and our Mr. Right.

God has been encouraging us to speak our minds to Him about the things that we want and the things that have been bothering us. “Ask and you shall receive, seek and you will find, knock and it will be opened unto you”, says God in Matthew 7:7.

It could also be of help for us to draw a clear-cut of what we really want in a man. Most women just have the idea that they want the right man but would not dare to think what they specifically consider in a right man. Go try to ponder, jot it down if need be or say it aloud to yourself, just so it would really get inside your consciousness.

What you say, you become; the power of our mind to act on what it believes. Above all, surrender everything to God. As in complete surrender. Not the kind of surrender that you give conditions and still would want to be in control of everything. Empty your mind and heart and let God in. Let Him be the one to work on that search for the right man. He knows just exactly the one who’s right for you, you already have prayed for it anyway, haven't you? He knows when everyone and everything is ready.

Looking for Mr. Right? This is where he’s found....in God.

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