How to (NOT) Argue Things with a Difficult Partner

 Have you heard that 10 % of conflicts is due to difference in opinion and 90% is due to wrong tone of voice? 

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Conflicts are sometimes inevitable but there are effective ways to resolve it. You and your partner have the full responsibility to work things out among yourselves. Otherwise you tolerate that your relationship is bound to fall apart, and you are ready to accept it if it does.

But how about if you are doing your part but your partner keeps breaking the rules?

Break out?

No.

Look for another person to fall for instead?

Not, either. 

Choose not to argue. There are times when you will be pushed to your limits and be drawn to it, but instead of responding to the rode rage war, avoid the invitation to fight back with bitter words. 

For a misinterpreting partner

If you are lucky enough to have a misinterpreting partner, the one who misunderstands a perfectly legitimate and polite word or action, do not argue but state calmly and reasonably: "I'm sorry it sounded like that. What I meant is that...", or "I'm sorry that it made you feel that way...". Do not forget to recognize his feelings and humbly apologize for it whether it's really your fault or not. But be sure to state what you actually meant with your words and actions by avoiding phrases that will trigger his defense.

For a partner with a sharp tongue

If your partner is specially blessed with sarcasm, be direct and tell him openly: "I feel hurt when you say words like... I know I do things that hurt you also but I hope you are open that we try to avoid such things already", or "It hurts when you do things like...We could find some time if there's anything you'd like us to talk about".

For a faultfinder 

If he likes keeping records of your wrongs, do not defend yourself. Instead take note on your "sins". When he has said all of it, say something like, "I noticed you mentioned this thing about me. If I'm really at fault here, I apologize. I'm willing to talk it over with you and I hope you are, too". Remember to allow yourselves to cool down first.

For an exaggerating partner

When he makes ridiculous exaggeration about the things you say or do like "You never care for me", or "You always do..." do not attempt to correct it. Instead recognize that there is probably a reason why your partner felt that way and you are not there to invalidate it but resolve it by saying things like, "I know it upsets you when you said that I do this often. I'll try not to let it happen again by...". Again, recognize how it made him feel and show sincere willingness to address it and be specific about your solutions so that he'll know that you are actually taking concrete steps to solve it. 

And if he insists on these kinds of attitude, tell him. But avoid putting pressure as to when he should improve. Some issues are hard to come by for some people, and your partner might just need to take a little more time to do it. 

Remember too that sometimes, there are really some people who always seem angry and continuously look for faults in others. Do not go with it. The battle they are fighting is not with you, it is with themselves. You can choose to stay reasonable. You can assert your own thoughts and feelings without arguing. By maintaining tactful words and manner, you are saving tons in your relationship. 

I hope you have learned something from this post. If you have similar issues which you think is fair for you to share with me, click anywhere in this paragraph to drop me a message, and comment below saying that you have emailed me with the subject Relationship Blues. I'd be willing to lend an ear for your heartaches. Or we can help each other. 

God bless your heart!

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8 Simple Ways to Solving Relationship Problems

Conflicts and misunderstanding in any relationship is inevitable. Because no two person are created exactly the same. We have different views as well as different ways of doing things. And these differences can apparently cause disagreements. 

We are taught since childhood that conflict is no good a thing. That it destroys relationships. That's why most of us are threatened when it arises, and our way of coping varies, too-- either we avoid it, or divert our attention to other things. But we know that it still exists. The problem is when it is rather kept and ignored, and it bottles up into a more serious problem later on. In other cases, we want to immediately patch things up because it's becoming a total distress.

Whichever the situation may be, the rules to solving these conflicts and problems constructively is by:

1. Know the ways to communicate effectively with your partner

You'll need it to let out what you and your partner have to tell each other without stirring  the wrong buttons.

2. Choose the best place, too

Aside from choosing the best time to talk, look for a place where you will have the privacy and comfort to talk. Put the conversation off at a later time until both of you have yourselves composed.

3. Be direct and focus on the problem

Understand the main cause of the problem and state your feelings clearly and straight to the point. Stick with it and avoid bringing up previous records of wrong. 

4. Respect

Show respect no matter how eager you are to cut in his talking. No violent threats and insinuation, no name- calling, no fault- finding, no throwing of disrespectful words on family members, no bashing on physical appearance and mental capacity, and no yelling. You can hardly take back a hurtful word. So listen and speak with respect.

5. Share ideas and be clear about it

Brainstorm every possible solutions you both can come up with and be open to different points of view before reacting. Accommodate each other's ideas and be transparent and firm about it. Conflict cannot survive without your participation, says Wayne Dyer. It's important that you agree on how you're going to solve things. It's like meeting halfway.

6. Decide on the best solution

Best here means the most acceptable, appropriate, and beneficial for the two of you. Winning should not be the goal. You should compliment each other, not compete. Just so we are clear with that. One, if not both of you, should compromise reasonably and give in to the other. Remember that it takes two to tango. 

You have to work together to solve your problems, that's why you are called partners. Giving in to the other amidst conflict takes real maturity. It means that your analysis of the situation intends to solve for the benefit of all rather than yourself alone. 

7. Reassess your solutions

Are they really for the benefit of each other? Will it not cause harm and hurt to the other person? Do you  both sincerely agree with it? What are its effects? How will it work to your advantage? And how can you prepare for its disadvantages? 

8. Implement it

Work up what solutions you have decided to apply. Decide who will do what, when, and where. 

The italicized words are your keywords to remember these tips. Just remember to: know, choose, focus, respect, share, decide, reassess, and implement. 

In the end, it already wouldn't matter who is right or wrong. For so long as you are both genuine and willing to work your relationship out and consider why you have loved each other in the first place, you're on the right track. Above all else, do not forget that there is a higher being you can both turn to-- God. 

God bless your heart!

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