Conflicts and misunderstanding in any relationship is inevitable. Because no two person are created exactly the same. We have different views as well as different ways of doing things. And these differences can apparently cause disagreements.
We are taught since childhood that conflict is no good a thing. That it destroys relationships. That's why most of us are threatened when it arises, and our way of coping varies, too-- either we avoid it, or divert our attention to other things. But we know that it still exists. The problem is when it is rather kept and ignored, and it bottles up into a more serious problem later on. In other cases, we want to immediately patch things up because it's becoming a total distress.
Whichever the situation may be, the rules to solving these conflicts and problems constructively is by:
1. Know the ways to communicate effectively with your partner
You'll need it to let out what you and your partner have to tell each other without stirring the wrong buttons.
2. Choose the best place, too
Aside from choosing the best time to talk, look for a place where you will have the privacy and comfort to talk. Put the conversation off at a later time until both of you have yourselves composed.
3. Be direct and focus on the problem
Understand the main cause of the problem and state your feelings clearly and straight to the point. Stick with it and avoid bringing up previous records of wrong.
4. Respect
Show respect no matter how eager you are to cut in his talking. No violent threats and insinuation, no name- calling, no fault- finding, no throwing of disrespectful words on family members, no bashing on physical appearance and mental capacity, and no yelling. You can hardly take back a hurtful word. So listen and speak with respect.
5. Share ideas and be clear about it
Brainstorm every possible solutions you both can come up with and be open to different points of view before reacting. Accommodate each other's ideas and be transparent and firm about it. Conflict cannot survive without your participation, says Wayne Dyer. It's important that you agree on how you're going to solve things. It's like meeting halfway.
6. Decide on the best solution
Best here means the most acceptable, appropriate, and beneficial for the two of you. Winning should not be the goal. You should compliment each other, not compete. Just so we are clear with that. One, if not both of you, should compromise reasonably and give in to the other. Remember that it takes two to tango.
You have to work together to solve your problems, that's why you are called partners. Giving in to the other amidst conflict takes real maturity. It means that your analysis of the situation intends to solve for the benefit of all rather than yourself alone.
7. Reassess your solutions
Are they really for the benefit of each other? Will it not cause harm and hurt to the other person? Do you both sincerely agree with it? What are its effects? How will it work to your advantage? And how can you prepare for its disadvantages?
8. Implement it
Work up what solutions you have decided to apply. Decide who will do what, when, and where.
The italicized words are your keywords to remember these tips. Just remember to: know, choose, focus, respect, share, decide, reassess, and implement.
In the end, it already wouldn't matter who is right or wrong. For so long as you are both genuine and willing to work your relationship out and consider why you have loved each other in the first place, you're on the right track. Above all else, do not forget that there is a higher being you can both turn to-- God.
God bless your heart!
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