Love chase; one to run after the other. Who is really to do it, the man or the woman?
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| Chase the love you want l Image taken from wehearit.com |
I asked different men and women from distinct walks of life-- married, in a relationship, or otherwise. I, at some sort, find most of their answers similar.
While this topic is a bore to many online readers, there is still a large fraction of people out there (net or the real world) who search for concrete opinions on this matter, which means that this topic is still an issue of interest to a whole slew of curious minds (and hearts). That’s why I decided to write this entry.
I opted to solicit others’ standpoint by asking some friends of the same age and older, joining forums on different other websites, and conceded reading some references in the hope of giving this entry a fair concept. I am not posting those people’s answers here for confidential reasons but everything that I will put across in this entry serves as the inference of all the ideas I got from my searching.
Let me get it clearer that by chase I mean the one who should be following, calling the shots in dating, and making the first move. And by first move I mean the very first to come close and “seek the hand of the other”. The issue as to whoever has to say sorry first during misunderstandings or a lovers’ quarrel, or anything within the walls of a relationship is beside to the point. This is more of the issues prior to relationship-- the courting stage.
Let it be the Man…
- · What the Bible says
Long ago in genesis time, man was already created to lead, to initiate, "But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God”, 1 Corinthians 11:3. Whoa! Before you fire up and proceed to the “road rage” I would like to emphasize that the verse is not written here to battle with gender equalities. Many scripture passages describe how the Lord authorized the headship of a man over a woman (e.g. Genesis 2:18, Ephesians 5:22-23). Although this doesn’t necessarily mean that women cannot become leaders. Get yourself into the context that even from the Bible, the Lord has ordained men as the ones who start things in their families and communities.
- · Let’s talk about his Nature
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| Let him take charge l Image taken from wehearit.com |
Have you noticed all the men around you-- fathers, brothers, uncles, neighbors? Ever wonder why a guy friend of yours instantly grabbed a bottle of coke and opened it knowing that there is only one man (him) in a dine of three girls? Tell him it’s ok to break off at four bottles of beer and he would say he can keep up to six bottles of it. Suggest to your husband to turn left and he would say the right lane is shorter. That’s how a man’s brain operates. Of course these incidents don’t always happen all the same but these are concrete examples of men’s nature to follow their impulse and be the first to set things in motion; besides mentioning how the society requires them to be.
I remember speaking in one of my previous posts that men love the thrill of the chase. And they do. They too love challenges, the reason why they don’t raise the white flag without giving a boxing or a football game a fair try. You’ll find them more excited and satisfied in telling the story of how they were able to catch a fish than have someone else to catch it for them. It starts up their engine when it's taking them a little difficult and long to bait the hook, throw it to the sea, wait for the prey, and pull the rod out the water with an exceptional catch-- greatly fulfilling! So to speak, the harder a woman is to get, the more that a man wants to conquer her.
- · His manly tendencies
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| Don't fall into this trap l Image taken from wehearit.com |
Men tend to regard a relationship more seriously when it is them who first moved an extra mile to pursue the woman, in the same manner that they take a better care of a trophy hardly won in a basketball tournament.
They wouldn’t say they won’t accept a woman who will run after them, it’s a favorable idea. I mean, who wouldn’t want an affection that is openly given on the dot? Granting, they get less interested as the time goes by; and badly put, abuse the affection that the woman gives to them.
Some men abuse it on purpose while others subsequently abuse it because they don’t feel the passion of having the woman with them. It’s like carelessly spending money easily earned than strived for.
Let it be the Woman…
- · What the world says
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| Chase the running fox l Image taken from wehearit.com |
Pop culture and media portrays an image of an independent, strong woman who in some such way may not even need a man to complete her life. No comments to that, I find it attractive too.
Though silk knitted lingerie would obviously invite most if not all sex more than the love-you-ever-wished-for.
Though silk knitted lingerie would obviously invite most if not all sex more than the love-you-ever-wished-for.
You may think who normal a woman would ever walk up to a crowd of men in see-through lingerie and ask for love? Not unless if she’s mentally incapacitated or a natural nymphomaniac (now bear with my words this time). But point is, trying too hard to beg for a man’s affection won’t ever take a lady (Read: normal woman who deserves respect & real affection) to where she wants. There is a difference between “making it happen” and “trying too hard”.
There is an argument about other men who get a bit afraid and hesitant in approaching the woman they like. In order to kill that little barrier, a woman can offer an amount of smile or a lighter face just so she doesn’t give him the impression that she is unapproachable.
Telling a man “you can message me” after exchanging contact numbers when he asks for it could “make it happen”. But calling him first to check if he remembers calling you is “desperation”. And men are kinda put off with desperate women.
- · Blowing Arguments
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| Image taken from wehearit.com |
There’s another argument that says if you both want each other, there’s nothing wrong with the woman being the first to initiate in the relationship, that it’s okay to chase a man. But hear this: there is a variance between showing the man a simple gesture of affection to let him know you’re interested too, for example appreciating him for inviting you out to a dinner and that you’d love his company; over chasing him to grab him right up such as texting him “I like you” out of the blue. Don’t be too frantic of a man’s attention. He will give it at a time he thinks is appropriate. Chances are, he might not yet be ready for it at the moment.
Don’t compare yourself with other liberated women in the wild world of dating and to Cleopatra of yesterday’s history who was said to take her first move over his man. This is not a fad of famous people ever known. Not unless of course if you want to suffer losing a man’s interest and respect as most desperate women do.
Sure, there are relationships that survived through their marriages even if the woman was the one who initiated it all, but this may not work all the time. Don’t you think it would make a difference if the man you want will still be the one to take in charge of starting up the relationship fire to burn? You sure don't want to be treated like you're the Samson and your man is your Delilah?
Being Assertive is far from being Aggressive. The former is being confident and firm that you, as a woman, know what you want and you’ll get it the right way while the latter is more of being too pushy and extreme in getting to things in an instant. Don’t play the “macho” or else you’ll steal the man in a man.
- · The Real Score
There are some frail and pathetic guys who would usually say, “It’s hard to wait for a woman’s approval. I’d like it if she will do it for me”. But sweetheart, recognize your worth as a woman. If a guy can’t even work up the courage and perseverance to ask for your approval, he absolutely needs some ripening to do. He needs to grow up.
The only kind of guy who will enjoy seeing a woman who runs the wheel of a relationship is the guy who is more like a baby that needs some babysitting. A real man isn’t like that.
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| The real man that is l Image taken from wehearit.com |
Also remember, that even when a man’s chasing you or is interested in you, you’re not the only one he can spend every second of his life with. You have to allow him the air to breathe. Don’t be too dependent by doing everything to get his manly notice. Chasing him will only lead to running. After all, God didn’t design women to become miserable stalkers so don’t act like one.
God meant the chase in courtship to be something pleasant where two people gets the chance to discover how they’re made to perfectly complement with each other. It is not about applying the same modernization there is in the latest gadgets and "severely" liberal way of viewing things nowadays.
To simply end this entry, it’s still reasonably better to let the man do the chasing.
“A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run - sit still and ignore him and he'll come purring at your feet.”~ Helen Rowland
Postscript: What a lengthy read this is. I just take the heart sharing with you what views there are about this mind-boggling topic. So what thoughts have you drawn out of this entry? Let me know by leaving your comments below. Thank you and God bless your heart!
