Back to Being Strangers

                    This entry has been inspired by the post “Strangers Again” by Dennis Sy. I swear thank God for all the insights and clarity I’m getting through his writings. Read full of his article Strangers Again, actlikeman.org, 06 May 2011. Like Dennis Sy on Facebook.

Back to being strangers; sounds very familiar. Here’s a short film which I got from youtube that flashes how each and every couple goes through the cycle of a relationship. And so I thought of giving it another perspective, an addition to what Dennis Sy has pointed on his entry. But before that, here’s the film:

video courtesy by Wong Fu Productions

Convinced with the film?

 Read on.

There are  many people who have anywise entered into such kind of a relationship and at one point wondered why everything has to end after 2, 5, or even 10 years of being together; why suddenly he/she can’t be the man/woman they’ve once fallen in love with; and tons of other questions.

Stage 1: Meeting

This is the easiest part. This is where one finally comes across with the person whom he’ll be spending his time and love for the rest of his life (if so fate would let them).

In this stage there is still a very minimal amount of pressure between two persons. A man can decide whether to pursue the woman or not. Everything is casual. A simple, “Hello, how do you do?” chat message is nothing much but a friendly probe. Although it could already be in this stage where two people gets attracted to each other; subconsciously each is trying to identify traits that they could like in the other person.

Stage 2: The Chase

 If the man thinks he is interested enough and that the woman in some such way thinks the same, voila! Let the quest begin. Many would believe this as the most exciting part. And men love the chasing. It’s where testing the waters comes in (if you’re reading this right here and you’re a man, you sure know just what I’m trying to say with that statement).

Getting to know each other a little bit further, man starts asking more personal questions say how many siblings do you have, likes and dislikes, this and that. It’s also where a simple chat becomes long hours of conversation on the phone. And it’s a man’s instinct to initiate the moves. If they get things a little harder, it’s more satisfying.

Women on the contrary don’t have to present everything right off the bat; men would lose the thrill of the chase. “Take the adventure away from a man and what you get is a boy”, quotes Dennis Sy.

Stage 3: The Honeymoon

I love every single piece about you l Image taken from fourfan.com

This is the part where the woman finally says yes after all the chasing. As shown in the video and as every person who has been and who is currently in a relationship knows, this also is the part where the times spent together are the greatest; you know, the man takes care of the woman, treats her like a princess and vice versa.

Some books would usually term this stage as Idealized Positive Transference wherein couples would usually idealize their partners' character, view them not as they are but how one wants the other person to be. Hence this is also the time when the two should be careful. Some people do it by backing off a little in order to see the whole picture of what’s going on.

Stage 4: Comfortable

Dude this is the most important part because this is the stage where two persons become more and more at ease with each other. Well this is actually something really positive, except when neither of the two or both would make less and less effort to keep the fire of the relationship burning.

If you’ve been through odds and you value each other and the relationship enough, then don’t take each other for granted. When two people have known each other for long, everything becomes a routine. What was great before now becomes typical-- ordinary.  And if you haven’t outgrown the stage where you used to idealize your partner and you would still view him/her the way you would want him/her to be, you’re entering a sure mess: Stage 5 Tolerance.

Stage 5: Tolerance

What was typical became far more monotonous. Now even the simple sending of a good morning message to your partner becomes a dragging obligation-- irritating. As much as possible, do not ever allow your relationship to enter this stage.

Keep it from withering, from dying. Try out something new: go to places where you both have never been, new adventure, new things to talk about, find time to see something new to appreciate about each other. 

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. it dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.

Stage 6: Downhill

Ill-effects of the death rapidly spread. Suddenly the man wanted another adventure: sports, peers, or worse another woman. Suddenly the woman felt the need to be treated special again, and have it found in another man. Such are examples of all the negative results of an unresolved relationship. Stage 7 is not far from possible.

Stage 7: Break Up

Death-- end of the relationship. The person whom you barely know before soon became your friend, and later the most important person in your life, now into a stranger again. Damage is harder to revive. So how can you help it?

Image taken from weheartit.com

To love is like jumping into a battle field. You have to look for ways to skip yourself out on bullets (Read: stay away from anything that could ruin the relationship) always. You’ll never know when it gets hit but for so long as it is alive, do everything and never let it die.

Most of all, pray for it and offer all else to God.

Postscript: Quite a long read,right? But I do hope I didn't bore your precious hearts. Feel free to speak your mind and drop your comments below. God bless you!

Photo/ Video Credits:
fourfan.com
weheartit.com
Wong Fu Productions, youtube.com