Parenting Stint: 5 Sibling Rivalry Fix

Tots who are supported and praised when starting to learn their early childhood skills grow with autonomy and positive self-esteem. But teaching them a little less of autonomy and confidence, and more of appreciation and coöperation may also be as important.

Living in a house with two little nieces of almost the same age got me into episodes of tiny feuds. The 6-year-old miss would not usually put up with her soon-to-be 4-year-old sister.   The “She started it.” and “Why can’t she just use her own crayons?!” lines sometimes distract me from my reading. My hopeful attempts to make my own short vacations at home mostly end up into a bundle of disaster.

These siblings quibbling are not necessarily trivial since they begin at large in the formative years or the first 7 years of life. How my nieces learn to handle brannigan will influence the way they will handle disagreements when they become adults. The role of parents and guardians goes without saying.

As their tita (Aunt) I feel like having to apply what I learned from college, books, and parenting dialogues with the experts. My degree in Nursing has always been a help to a not-yet-mom like me.

Behavior Variations

Toddler and pre-school are the years when children first learn to have enough vocabularies to express their feelings. It is also the stage when they start to learn how responsibilities are shared in the home.

My 6-year-old niece’s familiar lines however prove that there are emotions and responsibilities she cannot fully understand. She is not absolved by the explanation, “Your sister is just a baby. She doesn’t really know what she’s doing”. She often thinks there are privileges and behaviors allowed to her sister that are not tolerated in her.

It is not at all easy since what you think as temperate solution to perils might result into behavior confusion.

See it in general

Approach both lightly and ask without provoking. Provoking promotes defensive reasons as do my nieces. Detecting what’s really going on might help both children; and help parents or guardians learn just how to deal with the kids individually.

Feelings, Oh, Oh, Oh feelings

Bottom-line is, feelings of jealousy occur in some way when there is more than one kid in the house. The key is to help them recognize their feelings by observing them and encouraging them when they do something favorable “I like the way you let your sister borrow your crayons” or “It’s good that you helped her fix her things”.

It’s always not advisable to use the word “bad” when pointing out that something wrong was done. It rather confuses them what they are actually feeling.

For very young children like my nieces, doing some prompting is a big help, “I can see that you feel sad that your sister doesn’t feel like sharing her toys with you now” or pointing specifically to the act, “I see that you took your sister’s drawing book without her permission” and asking follow-up questions like, “Why did you do it?”. Allowing so helps both parents and the kids see the bigger picture.

It’s true that when kids know their feelings are respected, they become more empathetic to others. The rule of the thumb is-- acknowledgement.

Help them communicate

Allowing the kids to express how they feel gives them the idea that their opinion matters. Using words like “she feels”, “she looks”, “you seem” “I think” and avoiding definitive phrase like “It’s bad” will let them distinguish bad behaviors of the person over the person herself.

Set up rules

Kids understand rules more than you think. Rules also help diminish conflicts and help them follow and stick to their responsibilities.

But one important thing to remember is to always be consistent with your rules. Sticking with TV schedules, taking turns, or providing them space will help instill in them discipline, patience, concern, and respect for privacy.

Play is key

Doing activities that foster coöperation like board games, or for Filipino families, bahay-bahayan will encourage coöperation and family bonding.

For more cooperative children games you may refer to Child Care Lounge and Family Pastimes. 

Unfit situations like sibling rivalry can be used as time to teach kids good lessons. How kids are taught will say a lot about who they will most likely become in the future. You might as well do them a favor. I am beginning to.






Photo Credits:
weheartit (dot) com

Salamin ng Panata: Hiraya Manawari

I have three days before I get to live with forceps, clamps, and laboring mothers in the delivery room for one month. What I am mostly excited about during free days like this is that I get to look 
 around the internet for online reads and videos, or TV shows at random that I could at least consider as productive, or is it?

Image taken from a video added by rhisoler via youtube.com

Today I decided to go Filipino; to talk something about this Juan country, more specifically its television media. 

One thing I have noticed is that Philippine’s local morning programs have changed abundantly through the years. Most children today find their alternatives on computers, PSPs, and other gadgets.

Mr.Bean and Spongebob are the ones who usually greet the tele-viewers every morning. Maybe, most of the cartoon shows today have their own brand of teaching their audience with morals. But I have myself confident to defy modern day skeptics in saying that the novelty worth of today’s shows is nothing compared to the shows before. Hiraya Manawari is but one of the many valuable programs the television of the 90s has offered.

Hiraya Manawari, a highfalutin tagalog phrase which means “reach your dreams” has elaborated good morals and life’s greatest lessons about love, family, respect, honesty, discipline and other values. The stories of each episode were simple and easy to understand yet made a great impact on its viewers (myself included).  

Those lucky few who were able to watch programs like it would agree that producing the same shows nowadays would serve up so much values especially on children.

And for those who miss singing along with Hiraya Manawari’s famous intro, here’s a video with the lyrics below: 

Forever Young

There's nothing more good than being young in mind and heart l 
Image taken from daytobeyou.com

I wanna be forever young! — If only life put up with this.

First, I’m turning 21 this year and am not getting any younger.

Physically, I may still be able to get along with activities that require so much strength but I pretty  sure that my endurance wouldn’t be as sound as a 4th grader could get. 

Emotionally, I cannot just let my tantrums and emotional constipation fly in the air because I’m no more 3 years old and the society expects me to act and deal with things the more mature way; which also means to say that I could no longer just decide on things impulsively and do whatever I want without keeping other people in mind. 

Mentally, I know I have to stretch my brain and understand things the higher level. That 10,000 minus 8,985 is not equals 1015 but finding a job (with pay) and searching for a sideline to get the money coming in for the family’s daily consumption and for a post-graduate study’s tuition. 

And spiritually, I need to realize that going to church every Sunday and memorizing some bible passages cannot help grow my sacred side but act on them.

Second, being young holds for so many opportunities to explore without hesitations of what the people around can say. A young mind and heart is yet spared of the world’s too much vanity. Innocence is professed. 

Lastly, I just miss the times when all I think about is what movie to watch the next day and get mad at the mom for not buying me the pink-dressed doll she promised since two weeks ago.

Photo Credits:

daytobeyou.com