Tots who are supported and
praised when starting to learn their early childhood skills grow with autonomy
and positive self-esteem. But teaching them a little less of autonomy and
confidence, and more of appreciation and coöperation may also be as important.
Living in a house with two little
nieces of almost the same age got me into episodes of tiny feuds. The 6-year-old miss would not usually put up with her soon-to-be 4-year-old sister. The “She started it.” and “Why can’t she
just use her own crayons?!” lines sometimes distract me from my reading. My
hopeful attempts to make my own short vacations at home mostly end up into a
bundle of disaster.
These siblings quibbling are not
necessarily trivial since they begin at large in the formative years or the
first 7 years of life. How my nieces learn to handle brannigan will influence
the way they will handle disagreements when they become adults. The role of
parents and guardians goes without saying.
As their tita (Aunt) I feel like having to apply what I learned from
college, books, and parenting dialogues with the experts. My degree in
Nursing has always been a help to a not-yet-mom like me.
Behavior Variations
Toddler and pre-school are the
years when children first learn to have enough vocabularies to express their
feelings. It is also the stage when they start to learn how responsibilities
are shared in the home.
My 6-year-old niece’s familiar
lines however prove that there are emotions and responsibilities she cannot
fully understand. She is not absolved by the explanation, “Your sister is just
a baby. She doesn’t really know what she’s doing”. She often thinks there are
privileges and behaviors allowed to her sister that are not tolerated in her.
It is not at all easy since what
you think as temperate solution to perils might result into behavior confusion.
See it in general
Approach both lightly and ask
without provoking. Provoking promotes defensive reasons as do my nieces.
Detecting what’s really going on might help both children; and help parents
or guardians learn just how to deal with the kids individually.
Feelings, Oh, Oh, Oh feelings
Bottom-line is, feelings of
jealousy occur in some way when there is more than one kid in the house. The
key is to help them recognize their feelings by observing them and encouraging
them when they do something favorable “I like the way you let your sister
borrow your crayons” or “It’s good that you helped her fix her things”.
It’s always not advisable to use
the word “bad” when pointing out that something wrong was done. It rather
confuses them what they are actually feeling.
For very young children like my nieces, doing some prompting is a big help, “I can see that you feel sad that your sister doesn’t feel like sharing her toys with you now” or pointing specifically to the act, “I see that you took your sister’s drawing book without her permission” and asking follow-up questions like, “Why did you do it?”. Allowing so helps both parents and the kids see the bigger picture.
For very young children like my nieces, doing some prompting is a big help, “I can see that you feel sad that your sister doesn’t feel like sharing her toys with you now” or pointing specifically to the act, “I see that you took your sister’s drawing book without her permission” and asking follow-up questions like, “Why did you do it?”. Allowing so helps both parents and the kids see the bigger picture.
It’s true that when kids know
their feelings are respected, they become more empathetic to others. The rule
of the thumb is-- acknowledgement.
Help them communicate
Allowing the kids to express how
they feel gives them the idea that their opinion matters. Using words like “she
feels”, “she looks”, “you seem” “I think” and avoiding definitive phrase like “It’s
bad” will let them distinguish bad behaviors of the person over the person
herself.
Set up rules
Kids understand rules more than
you think. Rules also help diminish conflicts and help them follow and stick to
their responsibilities.
But one important thing to remember
is to always be consistent with your rules. Sticking with TV schedules, taking
turns, or providing them space will help instill in them discipline, patience,
concern, and respect for privacy.
Play is key
Doing activities that foster coöperation like board games, or for Filipino families, bahay-bahayan will encourage coöperation and family bonding.
Unfit situations like sibling
rivalry can be used as time to teach kids good lessons. How kids are taught
will say a lot about who they will most likely become in the future. You might as
well do them a favor. I am beginning to.
Photo Credits:
weheartit (dot) com
Photo Credits:
weheartit (dot) com
