Agree or not, research says bad listening habits are one of the root causes of relationship problems. When our partner wants to talk about something important, faulty listening can reap negative understanding. Yet, most of us still want to talk more than listen. We have the tendencies to let off our thoughts and meaning than pay full attention to someone who is speaking his.
Our auto- programmed desire to be heard manifests in few of our actions when we listen: appearing bored, selecting which to listen to and which to reject, being defensive, or interrupting. Are some of these actions familiar to you?
One useful key to remedy these habits is by listening to our partner with feeling. Let me say that again, listening with feeling. Usually the process in communication is we first analyze the information, recall it, and draw conclusions from it. But listening with feeling allows us to hear the feelings of the one speaking first before we analyze the information.
Our nature is to process information according to our own understanding, and convey what we think about it back to the speaker. But that is not always the case in courtship and marriage. Or in any other kinds of relationship. We have to listen attentively not only to what has been said, but to what is meant in what was said. That's the way we can understand our partner and perhaps an issue. By doing so:
1. Maintain good eye contact
Tuck away-- your whatchamacallit-- your cellphones and tablets. Good eye contact can help focus your attention.
2. Sit attentively
Lean forward in your chair. Or block all other distractions as if it's listening to what your partner will say is the only thing that matters in the world at the moment.
3. Act interested in what is said
Nod or express an understanding by one, restating what was said, or two;
4. Say appropriate phrases that affirms you are listening attentively
Phrases like, "I understand" or "I hear you say...".
5. Ask appropriate questions
It's also one way to show you are interested and you can use it to clarify some things you don't quite understand.
6. Pay attention to other details
Listen to what your partner is NOT saying, too. Nonverbal cues.
7. Listen a little longer
Nancy Van Pelt said, "Just when you think you are through listening, listen thirty seconds longer".
Understanding what is meant in what was said is only doing communication half the job. You also have to focus in resolving the real problem.
And how do you resolve a conflict or an issue? Tune in on my next post on RELATIONSHIPS.
God bless your heart!
Photo Credits:
wheartit (dot) com
